Disappear
by Leda71
Summary: This story explores what might have happened between Carol and Daryl after the end of Season 2. How close did they get? Rated M for sexual content/language. This is my first fanfiction - please read and review if you enjoy Caryl angst/love/smut, etc. Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or its characters - just borrowing them for fun!
1. Chapter 1

A month had passed since they had left the farm, and Carol was tired. They'd fought and scrapped and struggled every day, and she was beginning to wonder if there was any hope left. After a particularly difficult day, one in which nearly everyone in their group had had a close call and Daryl had saved her life twice, she lay in her tent sobbing. The weight of all that they'd been through and what was to come – suddenly it was too much. She'd heard her tent flap open and for a moment she thought a walker was coming to finally end her misery. _Let it come_, she thought. _Let the end come_.

But she looked up and saw that it was Daryl instead. He looked exhausted, spent, as miserable as she was.

"What—" she started.

"Don't," he whispered, shaking his head. He lay down behind her and pulled her back against his chest. "Don't say anything."

As soon as she was nestled in his arms, everything felt different. These were the arms that had protected her so many times, that had held her when she watched her daughter die. And as he pressed his body closer and tightened his hold on her, she started to think he needed this just as much as she did. She allowed herself to relax against him and they both slept.

The next morning, Carol heard voices outside her tent and knew that she'd slept in. Usually she was up before everyone else, pulling together some kind of breakfast for them out of whatever food they'd recently managed to scavenge. She was used to rising with the dawn. She'd always gotten up early to fix Ed a huge breakfast and send him off to work before Sophia got up.

This morning, however, Carol couldn't bring herself to get up. Daryl's arms were still wrapped around her, but now she was facing him, her head resting against his chest. At some point in the night, Carol's arm had made its way around Daryl and now her hand rested between his shoulder blades. She could feel his strong muscles through his shirt, and she nuzzled her face into his chest a bit more. He responded by tightening their embrace. Carol looked up at him and saw that he was still deep in sleep. He probably had no idea she was still in his arms. She knew she should get up now to save them both the embarrassment of waking up together, but she couldn't pull herself away. She continued watching his face and wondered what his dreams were like. He started flinching slightly, his eyebrows pulling together and his nose wrinkling a bit, and Carol imagined he was dreaming about fighting walkers or maybe something even worse, from his past. She longed to give him peaceful dreams. She reached up to lightly stroke his face, the rough stubble scratching her a little. He stirred then, and she quickly drew her hand away. "I-I'm sorry."

"Nah," he said sleepily. "I'm the one that came in here. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she whispered. "I've never felt so safe in my life."

He smiled a little, then cleared his throat and pulled away, rubbing his eyes. "That's what I wanted. Tough day yesterday."

She sat up, the moment over. "Yes. Well, thank you."

He sat up too, giving her a quick nod. "Now how am I gettin' outa your tent without startin' talk?"

She cocked her head to one side. "Daryl, they already talk about us."

He looked up sharply. "They do?"

She shrugged. "What else do they have to talk about?"

Daryl sighed. "Ok. I'm huntin' all day today, so I'll see you tonight. Stay safe." He left the tent then, and Carol tried to pretend his absence didn't immediately make her feel empty.

Carol didn't know what to think. She was sure that Daryl had just come to her tent to keep her safe. That was what he said, right? But she knew there was some small thing between them, and she wondered how long they would both continue to deny it. He had always been different with her than with the others. The gruff voice he'd used around camp became soft and gentle when he addressed her. She'd noticed even in the middle of heartbreak and horror, when Sophia had first gone missing. Of course she'd noticed him. She was a woman, wasn't she? Who wouldn't imagine those strong arms holding her? Sure, he was dirty, but they all were. Daryl wore his filth and grime like a badge of honor. She often wondered what he was like in the time before Walkers, back when she was married to Ed and worried every day about Sophia. She didn't have to worry about Sophia anymore, and as much as she mourned her daughter, Carol couldn't help feeling a bit of relief at that. Now all she worried about was herself, and Daryl. Most days, she felt stronger than she ever had in her entire life. Part of that was because she saw a different Carol in Daryl's eyes, but she knew that strength was inside her all along. In her former life, she probably wouldn't have paid any attention to Daryl, nor he to her. But in this new world, where every moment could be your last, she was so glad they had found each other. She wanted desperately to know exactly how he felt. All those days since they'd left Hershel's farm had confused her. She'd felt them growing closer, but he often pulled away and stopped speaking for days at a time. Sometimes she felt like they were meant to be just good friends, and she even accepted that, but then a tiny moment would change everything. A look in his eyes while he watched her doing the laundry. A protective hand lingering a bit too long on her leg when she hopped onto the back of his motorcycle. Sometimes she swore she saw desire in his eyes, and she wondered if he could see how much she wanted him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to the people who reviewed my first chapter! I'm new at this and have no idea what I'm doing. I've never been compelled to write fanfiction in my life, but I'm having Daryl/Carol withdrawals and I just need to live in their world for a bit. After you read this chapter, please don't worry that this whole story will be just Caryl in a tent. There will be more to it, I promise! Please review and let me know if I should keep going. Thanks!**

The next few weeks were fairly uneventful. The group moved from place to place, gathering whatever food they could find but mostly eating whatever Daryl could kill. They ran into a few walkers but never enough to cause any real danger. All of the members of the group were getting better at defending themselves, and Carol was finally beginning to feel comfortable killing the occasional walker with a knife to the head. She couldn't help noticing that Daryl looked at her with something like pride when she defended herself, and though she loved knowing that he would always protect her she also loved feeling self-sufficient.

Since the first night he'd come into her tent, Daryl had slept next to her occasionally but not consistently. Some mornings, she woke up and was surprised to find him next to her. He always managed to steal into the tent while she slept and remain asleep until she left in the morning. She'd wanted to bring it up in conversation with him, but she wasn't quite sure how. She was trying to accept it as a mere survival mechanism, Daryl's need for the warmth of another body or his need to provide that warmth and security for someone else. He mostly kept his distance in the night, but sometimes she woke up in his arms, and she couldn't help it: that feeling was all she thought about these days.

One particularly cold night, Carol lay awake in her tent, hoping Daryl would come again, but he didn't. Glenn and Maggie had found a few sleeping bags on their run that day and had given them to her and Beth, obviously since neither of them had a man to keep them warm. If anyone knew Daryl was ending up in her tent some nights, they were pretending otherwise. Carol wondered if Daryl would stay away because of the sleeping bag, thinking that maybe she didn't need him anymore. At dinner around the campfire, he had barely looked at her. Lori noticed her watching him and asked if something was up, but Carol just shook her head and smiled. "I was just thinking how lucky we are to have a hunter with us," she said, finishing off the squirrel meat she'd grown accustomed to.

"Daryl's a real asset to us, that's true," Lori said, nodding slowly and narrowing her eyes a bit. She lowered her voice. "He's been staying in your tent, hasn't he?"

Carol looked up, her eyes wide. "Oh. Oh, yeah, he does sometimes, but it doesn't mean anything. Cold nights, you know?"

Lori grinned. "I haven't seen Daryl looking for warmth anywhere else, honey.

Carol waved her hand, dismissing what Lori was saying. She watched, disappointed, as Daryl finished his meal and headed to his own tent.

Some time in the middle of the night, Carol heard her tent flap opening. She grabbed her knife in case it was a walker, but then she heard his voice.

"Hey, it's just me."

"I thought you were a walker."

"Yeah, I'm sorry," he muttered. He ran his hand through his hair and looked away. "T-Dog's on watch, though. He wouldn't let any slip past him."

"I know." Carol trusted T-Dog completely. She trusted everyone in the group, and she'd started to gradually regain respect for Rick again. But she always felt like Daryl was the one who was truly protecting not just her but all of them. He was the reason she was still alive.

"So. . .did you need something?" she asked, putting her knife away.

Daryl sighed. "Don't make me ask."

Carol tried not to smile. "You want to stay here again."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded and so did she. He slipped off his jacket and boots and moved toward her.

"You can get in the sleeping bag with me," she said.

He started shaking his head, but she put up a hand. "Just do it, Daryl. It's warmer that way. You'll sleep better if you're comfortable, and you need the rest. You do so much for us. Besides, I won't bite."

He cocked an eyebrow at that, then slipped into the bag with her. "Sorry," he mumbled when his arm bumped into her head.

"S'ok," she said, turning her back to him. He draped his arm over her, because there was really nowhere else for it to go. She closed her eyes, but she couldn't imagine falling asleep. He was closer than he'd ever been, every inch of him pressed against her. Her heart was beating so fast she was sure he could hear it, and when she slowed her breathing she thought she could feel his strong heartbeat pulsing in her back. She wondered what he was thinking, and almost hoped he was as nervous as she was about their proximity. But a few moments later, she heard his breathing slow and deepen and knew he had fallen asleep. She smiled and allowed herself to drift into a safe, warm sleep as well, wanting the night to last forever.

In the morning light, Carol opened her eyes to see that she had twisted around in the night and now lay facing Daryl, her legs tangled with his and his arms wrapped around her. Her left leg was draped over him, and under her thigh she could feel the hard bulge of his erection. She dismissed it as a morning inevitability and started to move her leg so he wouldn't be embarrassed when he woke up. As soon as she started to move, however, his hand grasped her thigh and held it there. She felt him press his hips upward a little, pushing his cock into her thigh a bit, and heard him breathe deeply through his nose. She was afraid to look up at his face, because she didn't want the moment to end. His hand moved from her thigh to her ass and back down again, stroking her slowly and softly, a contrast to the firmness under her. She repositioned herself slightly so that her body was half on top of him, and now his cock pressed against the highest point of her inner thigh. She wondered if he could feel the heat of her arousal through their clothes. Her hand snaked up to his neck and ran through his hair. Still not looking up at him, she moved her head to his neck and pressed her lips softly against the skin there. His grip on her thigh tightened and she felt his hips move again, his cock even harder now. They were both breathing heavily now and starting to writhe against each other. Carol was afraid to speak or to look at him. She wanted him so much. Was he half asleep and dreaming of someone else? Did he want her too?

"Carol, is Daryl in there?"

They both shot up. "Um, yes, just a minute," she answered.

Daryl pulled himself out of the sleeping bag. "Comin', Rick," he called. He left the tent without even looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is where I start to stray from the show by changing when certain characters appear and what happens to them. I love the show, obviously, but I thought it might be fun to change some stuff and see where I can take it (I don't know yet, but I'm just letting it flow). My main focus will still be the Caryl stuff, because that's what I love!**

Carol and Daryl didn't make eye contact at all when she finally gathered up the courage to leave the tent and face him. She knew they needed to talk about what happened in her tent that morning, but she also knew they probably never would. Daryl wasn't much of a talker, and she didn't know what to say anyway. They'd just been too close in the sleeping bag. It was natural for any man and woman to respond physically to that closeness, no matter how they felt about each other. She was trying not to read anything more into it, but underneath her worry and discomfort she couldn't help feeling a small flutter of excitement. She'd never felt like this before, that was certain. She had had a couple of boyfriends before Ed, but she was a virgin on her wedding night. Sex with Ed had been boring at best, and in the later years she'd spent her nights praying he would fall asleep without touching her. She couldn't remember anyone ever making her feel the way she did in Daryl's arms. She was aroused, yes, every time he lay next to her, but it was more than that. She tried to deny it, because life was difficult enough already without this added complication, but there was simply no way to push thoughts of Daryl out of her mind. And their close contact the night before only made those thoughts burn more brightly.

But Daryl seemed to be avoiding her, and for now that was fine with Carol. She didn't know what would happen in her tent that night, but she couldn't help hoping he would join her in her sleeping bag again. But he didn't, because that day everything changed.

After a breakfast of cereal bars Maggie and Glenn had brought back from their last run, Rick gathered everyone together. "Me and Daryl were out scouting around this morning, looking for a place to hunker down for a while. A few miles west of here there's a little town with a gas station, some houses, and a little shopping mall. Daryl didn't like the looks of the mall, but. . ." He glanced over at Daryl, who just shook his head and looked down at his feet. "I don't know," Rick continued. "It might not be any safer than out here in the woods, but I think it's worth a chance. We looked in a few of the houses, and there wasn't much left but at least there are beds. We might even find a house that has running water still hooked up."

Everyone looked at Rick blankly, waiting for his decision. "I say we head out there now, get there with enough time to spare before dark so we can settle in. Some of us can head to the mall tomorrow and see what supplies we can find."

The group dispersed then, and Carol put her hand on Daryl's shoulder. He turned his head slightly toward her but didn't look at her. "Is this ok with you?"

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"But Rick said—"

"It's fine," he said, then walked away.

She didn't want to make him uncomfortable by continuing to talk to him, but she wondered what about the mall was causing him concern. Carol knew they would probably never truly be safe anywhere, and she had come to expect that the rest of her life, however short it probably was, would be spent on the run. But any safety, however short-lived, was welcome, and everyone in the group craved it so much that they grasped at any chance. They rushed around in the next few minutes, gathering their things and packing up the vehicles. T-Dog, Hershel, and Beth drove one truck. Rick, Lori, and Carl went in another. Maggie and Glenn still drove their car, and that left Carol to figure out where she would fit in. She'd always ridden on the back of Daryl's motorcycle, but she hesitated today, worried that the tension between them would be too much. She started slowly toward Maggie and Glenn's car, then heard him call out.

"C'mon!" He didn't look at her, just started up the engine and waited until she hopped on the back. She held onto the seat instead of wrapping her arms around him like she normally would, still afraid to touch him and make him uncomfortable. Just before they turned into the neighborhood where they would attempt to settle, Daryl took the curve a little too fast and she couldn't help grabbing his waist. As he slowed down to pull into one of the driveways, he placed his hand over hers and held it there. She was tempted by this small sign to say something to him, or at least to rest her face against his back and hold him a little tighter, but she didn't want to push it.

Maggie and Glenn pulled in behind Daryl's motorcycle and the other two vehicles parked in the driveway next door. When everyone got out and gathered together, Rick spoke.

"Me and Daryl checked out these two houses this morning and they're fine. No bodies, nothing to upset anybody, just a few supplies and some beds," he said. "I say we set up camp in these two and settle in for the night, figure out what's next tomorrow morning."

"Wait," said Beth. Everyone turned quickly. It was always a shock when she spoke, because she did so rarely. "You mean we're splittin' up?"

Rick nodded. "I thought it might be nice to have a little space. We've been on top of each other for a while now." Carol blushed at that, wondering if Daryl noticed it too and thought of her lying on top of him. She certainly couldn't get the image out of her head.

"I don't care how we split," Rick continued, "but I would like Hershel with us in case anything happens with Lori and the baby." Hershel nodded and started pulling his things out of the truck. It was soon decided that Maggie, Glenn, Daryl, and Carol would stay in one house, and T-Dog, Hershel, and Beth would stay with Rick and his family in the other. Carol was relieved that someone else made the decision. She knew she wanted to stay with Daryl, naturally, but she was afraid to say it in case his feelings had changed because of what happened between them.

Daryl went into the house first, with Glenn behind him and Maggie and Carol following. Carol could tell that Daryl wasn't totally comfortable with their new arrangements but she wasn't sure why. Daryl seemed to have a second sense about survival, and she trusted his instincts implicitly. If he didn't feel safe, she knew something was wrong. He held a finger to his lips as they went in, ensuring that they weren't foolish enough to disturb any walkers who might have holed up in the house since he and Rick had visited that morning. As soon as they entered, they heard noises from the back of the house. It sounded like footsteps, but they were too fast to be a walker's shuffle. Daryl motioned with her arms for the others to get back, and he lowered his crossbow to the firing position.

"Don't shoot." A woman's deep voice came from around the corner of the living room, where there was most likely a hall leading to bedrooms. "I ain't a walker."

Carol raised her eyebrows. Not everyone called the walking dead "walkers" as she and her group did. She'd heard a few other terms: geeks, lamebrains, even zombies. How had this woman come to the same nickname as they had?

"Let's see," Daryl said. "Get out here or I'm comin' after ya!"

A small black woman with long dreadlocks appeared then, and as she walked into the room she was followed by two walkers attached to her by chains. The walkers were missing the bottom halfs of their jaws, along with their arms. Carol gasped, then began to feel nauseous. One look at Maggie's face told her that the younger woman felt the same.

"What the fuck is this?" Daryl asked calmly, indicating the walkers.

"They're harmless, Daryl." Another woman's voice came from around the corner, and then Andrea appeared. Carol was shocked, relieved, and overjoyed all at once. She'd thought that Andrea had been killed after she saved her at the farm, and she'd felt incredibly guilty ever since. She knew Daryl had wanted to go back for her as well, but they'd followed Rick's decisions in the hope that he could lead them to survival. And so far, he had.

Carol started toward Andrea, mindful of the creepy walkers attached to the other woman. "Stop," Andrea said. "Don't come close to me."

Carol peered more closely at Andrea and realized that the setting sun and lack of light in the house had concealed a frightening reality. Andrea appeared feverish, ill, possibly even near death. She must have been bitten. Daryl raised his crossbow again and pointed it directly at her head.


	4. Chapter 4

"Daryl, don't," Carol whispered, laying a hand on his arm. "Don't shoot her, please."

"I know you'd probably like to shoot me, Daryl, but you really don't need to," Andrea said haltingly. She obviously wasn't breathing well. "I haven't been bitten. I have the flu."

"The flu?" he said, incredulous. "You look like shit. And who the fuck is this?" He swung his crossbow around to point it at the other woman.

"This is Michonne," Andrea said. "She saved me after that night we all left the farm. We've been traveling together ever since." She looked at Maggie and Glenn. "Is this all that's left of our group?"

"No, Rick and the others are in the next house," Carol said. She couldn't help noticing Andrea's surprised expression and wondering if she resented them for failing to come back for her. "We didn't know if we should come back and risk—"

"No." Andrea held up a hand. "No regrets. We're alive."

"Barely, it looks like," Glenn said. "I think Hershel should take a look at you. Are you sure this is just the flu?"

"Yeah, I just can't shake it. It might be pneumonia."

"Can we all shut the fuck up for a minute and talk about these walkers here?" Daryl shouted. "You're all actin' like this is fuckin' normal." Michonne glared at Daryl and said nothing.

"She has her reasons, Daryl," Andrea said. "And they've provided pretty good cover for us, even in the middle of a herd once or twice."

"I don't care," Daryl said. "This shit ain't right."

"I'm with Daryl," Maggie said. "We need to see what Rick wants to do about this."

Michonne reached for her sword. "Who says anything's going to be done?" she said.

"Wait," Andrea said, putting her hand on Michonne's arm. Obviously the two had grown close over the last month. Her staying hand reminded Carol of her own hand on Daryl, which she quickly removed. "These are good people, Michonne. Let's just talk to Rick. And Hershel might be able to help me finally get over this sickness."

Daryl lowered his crossbow and nodded, letting the women pass. Maggie and Glenn followed them out the front door. "I'll be there in a moment," said Carol. "I'm going to see what kind of food might be lying around in the cabinets. We'll all need some kind of dinner."

"You ain't stayin' in here alone," Daryl said, propping his crossbow against the wall.

"Then stay with me," she said. He gave her a small nod and waved to the others to go on. Carol headed straight for the kitchen, where she began opening cabinets and drawers. A few minutes later she was back in the doorway of the living room, holding a few cans of tuna and a box of snack cakes. "Thank God for highly processed snack foods, right? These things will never die."

Daryl was sitting on the couch with his legs stretched out in front of him. His head rested back against the wall, and he looked exhausted. Stressed. Carol hoped she wasn't the source of his stress. She sat next to him and placed a hand on his knee. "Can we talk about—"

"No," he muttered, shaking her hand off his leg. "We need to stay focused. We're in a new place, we got to think about this new girl with Andrea, and we don't need to think about anythin' else."

"Right," Carol said softly.

He looked up at her. "I can't keep you safe if my head ain't clear."

"You've done ok so far," she said. He grunted in response.

"Daryl, tell me something. Would you really have killed Andrea so easily just now?"

"If she was bit, yeah," he answered. "Why? You gonna say that's not honorable?" He emphasized the last word, reminding her of the night they left the farm, when she'd told him she wanted a man of honor.

"No, I'm not going to say that," she answered. "You have more honor than anybody I've ever known."

He snorted. "You just say that stuff because I looked so hard for. . ." He couldn't bring himself to say Sophia's name.

"No, that's not the only reason I. . . I. . ." Carol wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. The only reason she loved him? She couldn't tell him that, but she was beginning to understand that she did, in fact, love Daryl. There was no turning back. She looked up to find that Daryl was looking directly into her eyes for the first time all day. He was waiting for her next words, and she didn't know what to say. Would he laugh if she told him how she really felt? Was there any chance he already knew?

"Oh sweet, you found snacks!" Glenn had walked in and was grabbing the food before Carol and Daryl even realized he was there. "Hey, sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"What did Rick say?" Daryl asked.

"He sent me to get you guys," Glenn said. "We're all going to eat and talk, apparently, and figure out what to do. Hershel's with Andrea. You should've seen Rick's face when he saw those Walkers."

Daryl got up then, picking up his crossbow and heading for the door. He turned back slightly without looking at Carol, indicating that she should follow.

Carol hoped they would have another chance to talk, but she was also scared to death of the possibility. She hadn't even let herself think yet about what would happen when night fell. Another night in Daryl's arms might be more than she could stand.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ok, the events of this chapter were going to be spread out a bit more, but I decided to rush things along to get to more Caryl stuff. Hope you like it! Reviews, please!**

Dinner was full of arguments and stress. Everyone was happy to see Andrea and eager to see her get well. Rick and Daryl insisted that Michonne should be sent on her way, but Andrea fought to keep her with the group. Everyone else thought she should be given a chance but they were naturally uncomfortable with the presence of the two walkers. Carl and Beth were so unsettled by them that Lori took them upstairs to get away from them. Finally, Rick struck a deal. "If you want to stay with Andrea - if she's that important to you and you want to be a part of this group – then these walkers have to go. I won't have them around my family." Carol thought that by family, Rick meant all of them, not just Carl and Lori, and she appreciated his taking a stand for them.

Michonne looked long and hard at Andrea, making up her mind. Then she gave a nod, pulled out her sword, and lopped off both walkers' heads in one stroke. Everyone gasped. "Well, that was easy," Glenn said, "but couldn't you have done it outside?"

It was decided that Michonne and Andrea would remain in the room they'd just set up camp in that day, and Maggie and Carol would take the other bedroom. The houses in this neighborhood were rather small, so that left the couch and the floor for Glenn and Daryl, who would alternate on watch all night. The next morning, they would do a run to see if they could locate some medicine for Andrea. Hershel had determined that she had a bad case of the flu along with a throat infection, but she would survive.

Carol was disappointed that there was no way for her to sleep in the same room with Daryl, but she was happy that he would be on watch, keeping them all safe. She wasn't entirely sure she trusted Michonne, but she believed Andrea was a good judge of character, and that went a long way. Daryl headed back to their house first, shaking his head, clearly unhappy with the decision to keep Michonne but unwilling to fight it. Carol stayed behind for a moment to check on Lori and Carl. As she was coming back down the stairs she overheard a heated conversation between Andrea and Rick.

"No," Rick was saying. "I don't want you to tell him that. Not now."

"He has a right to know, Rick."

"Daryl has come a long way and he's an asset to this group," Rick said. "If you tell him you spotted Merle five miles from here, he'll go off the rails. He'll leave, you know he will. He'll set right out to look for him, and Merle is dangerous. You know that."  
"It's Daryl's right to make that decision," Andrea responded.

"Well, that may be, but give me some time to think about this," Rick pleaded. "Give me a few days, at least. Let us check things out here, see if we can settle for a while. We need Daryl right now, some of us more than others."

Carol imagined Rick was probably talking about her. What did he and the others think was going on between her and Daryl? Was it that obvious how she felt about him? She couldn't help feeling embarrassed. She didn't want to be the pathetic clingy woman, holding onto Daryl when her feelings weren't reciprocated at all. Was that how it looked to everyone? She waited a few minutes so Rick and Andrea wouldn't know she heard them, then headed down the stairs and back with Maggie and Glenn to the other house.

All night, lying next to Maggie and trying to fall asleep, Carol thought about the information they were keeping from Daryl. His brother, only five miles away? How could that even be possible? Everyone assumed he was dead, but anything was possible. They'd run into Andrea, after all, and what were the chances of that? Maybe in this new world there were just some people who were meant to face the struggles of survival together, and maybe Merle, as odious a fellow as he might be, was supposed to be part of that. Daryl certainly did have a right to know he might still be alive.

When the morning light streamed into the window and Carol had barely known a moment's rest, she rose and went to the living room to find Daryl. He was sitting in the floor by the window, looking into the distance.

"Hey," he acknowledged her.

"Hey. I – I have to tell you something," she said. She didn't see any point in waiting. "They're not telling you but I think you have a right to know."

"Well, spit it out," he said.

"It's about Merle," she said, and Daryl looked up quickly. "Andrea spotted him somewhere five miles away, or she thinks she did. I overheard them talking about it and I thought you should know. I don't know if—"

Before Carol finished talking, Daryl jumped up and ran to where Andrea slept. Carol listened to him yelling at her for a bit, then retreated back to the other bedroom to wait it out. She imagined he would yell at Rick next. And after that, she didn't know what would happen. She knew it was a risk, telling him. He would go after Merle, certainly, and that might mean losing him. But she couldn't keep the information from him. She knew that no matter how much she disliked Merle, he was Daryl's family and he had a right to attempt a reconciliation.

She heard the front door slam. After a while, she headed over to the house next door to see what had transpired.

"Carol, how could you do this?" Rick said as soon as she walked in. "Daryl's gone."

She couldn't help it. She collapsed onto the floor and sobbed.

The next two and a half weeks passed unbearably slowly. Carol cried herself to sleep every night next to Maggie, who kindly held her and said nothing. Michonne took over Daryl's watch, and the group started to trust her more every day. She proved herself to be quite an asset any time a stray walker came by. Their days were spent settling in, exploring the surrounding area, and making the occasional trip to the shopping mall. Andrea was feeling much better now, and she Maggie had taken Carol along on one mall run and tried to cheer her up by "shopping" for new clothes. She couldn't bring herself to care about clothes or anything else as long as she believed she would never see Daryl again. Life was so full of despair anyway, but now that small source of joy, the excitement she was starting to feel, was utterly gone. She prayed every night that Daryl was still alive, that he was safe and that he would return, with Merle or without, but she knew the chances were slim.

When he did return, walking into the house as if he'd never left, what should have been relief turned instead to anger.

Carol was lying in the bedroom she shared with Maggie, trying to get over a headache that was probably the result of too many tears. Daryl appeared in the doorway and at first she thought she was simply imagining him. He stood there staring at the ground, clearly unsure of what he should say. He looked tired, miserable. She stood up and walked over to him. She wanted to put her arms around him, but she was so angry. How could he have put her through this?

"How, Daryl? How could you just disappear like that?" Carol whispered, trying to hold back tears.

Daryl blew out air and shook his head. "I had to see if he was there—"

"But…but you stayed away so long…"

"Carol, he was my _brother_," he said, finally looking into her eyes.

"But I'm … we're your—"

"My _what_?" Daryl raised his voice now, glaring at her. "You're my what?" He charged toward her and she backed away slightly.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Carol?" he shouted. She flinched and pulled away farther. Her fear seemed to make him even angrier. He growled as he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the wall. She could feel that he was restraining a little, however, and though she was scared, she knew he wouldn't really hurt her. She was more afraid of what she was feeling.

He pressed his hips against her to pin her into place and bent to rest his forehead against hers. "Tell me," he whispered. It sounded like he was begging. She felt his hot breath against her mouth. His hand left her shoulder and slipped her tank up above her right breast. He cupped it with the heel of his hand and moved his thumb over her nipple. "Is this what you want from me?"

He thrust his hips against her, allowing her to feel his erection straining against their clothes. "Is this it?"

His mouth was so close to hers. A tear slid down her cheek. She closed her eyes and waited for his lips to meet hers. _Yes_, she wanted to say. _I want this. This and more. Everything. All of you._

She braced herself for the kiss she'd dreamt of for so long, but instead he suddenly pulled himself away. "Fuck," he muttered, then turned and left, shaking his head. She was left raw, exposed, aching for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry Daryl was a little rough in the last chapter and Carol seemed a bit weak, but at the end of season 2 they certainly had those characteristics. I'm trying to stay true to the characters and make their connection awkward and difficult but still let it unfold more quickly than it is on the show! This next chapter feels weak to me, but I'm just posting it anyway. With this fanfiction, I'm just kind of letting it flow and not thinking, as opposed to my other writing where I agonize over every word. It's fun! I'm starting to think I should've started with an omniscient POV instead of limiting it to Carol's. Should we be seeing inside Daryl's head too? Reviews and comments, please! Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to post a review so far. I love you madly for encouraging me to continue!**

Carol avoided Daryl as much as possible the next day, which was easy since he'd left early to head to the woods for some hunting. He hadn't told anyone what had happened over the last couple of weeks, including whether or not he'd found Merle. She was terrified of being alone with him again, but not because she was afraid he would hurt her. He was rough, of course, and sometimes brutal in the way he treated her. He'd yelled at her before, insulted her, hurt her with his words. But last night was different. She was embarrassed, of course, but above all she was confused. For a moment it had seemed as though Daryl was feeling more than anger. He seemed to be as confused as she was about what was happening between them. She knew she couldn't leave it up to him to figure things out, because he would avoid it by retreating into himself again, and then she might lose him forever.

The two of them couldn't avoid each other that night, because Carol found herself looking for a new place to sleep. Maggie and Glenn had decided they needed some alone time in the bedroom she'd been sharing with Maggie, so Carol waited in the living room to see if she would have an opportunity to go back to her bed. Michonne was on the porch, on watch for their house, and Carol felt safe knowing that she was on guard with her sword. She went into the bathroom to get ready for sleep, wondering where she would end up for the night. In the mirror, she could see the evidence of the sleepless nights she'd spent worrying about Daryl while he was gone. She had bags under her eyes and her skin looked lackluster. She ran her hand up along her neck and into her cropped hair. What did Daryl see when he looked at her? She raised her tank top the way he had the previous night, revealing her breast, and ran her thumb over it as he had done. She imagined him touching her again, and let out a little moan. She felt as though her body was betraying her. She knew she should be angry with Daryl for leaving and then coming back and treating her the way he had, and she was angry. But she couldn't deny the way his touch had made her feel.

A loud knock on the door drew her out of her thoughts. "Who's in there?" It was Daryl. She straightened her shirt, then opened the door and looked at him. He looked down and moved out of her way, clearly uncomfortable.

"We can't avoid each other forever," she said. "I'm stuck out here until Maggie and Glenn are . . . done."

"Just kick him out," he said.

Carol ignored this. "We need to talk about what happened last night." She heard herself saying the words but could barely believe she'd had the courage to bring it up. She knew she didn't have a choice, though. If it were up to Daryl, they would keep acting like nothing had happened. She couldn't bear that.

Daryl hissed, "Just forget about that. It didn't mean nothin'!"

She gasped. "I-I know, I just…I wanted to tell you it's ok, I—"

"It's not ok," he said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have treated you like that. You deserve better."

"You're right about that," she said, lifting her head. She was starting to realize that she _did _deserve better than what she'd gotten all her life. She certainly deserved better than Ed, and she had put up with him for far too long. "Everybody deserves a little happiness, I think," she said, hoping some part of him could see that they had a chance for it.

"What's the point, anyway? It's the fuckin' end of the world," he said. "What do you want me to do, pick you some daisies and paint your toenails for you?"

Carol couldn't help chuckling a little at the image. "That would be pretty funny, actually." He smiled a little, and she went on. "I guess if you were going that route with someone it wouldn't be me."

Daryl looked around pointedly. "Are there some women around here I don't know about?"

"Well, Beth…"

"Is a child," Daryl scoffed. "She could be my daughter. What kind of a sicko do you think I am?"

Carol continued, "I guess Maggie's off limits because of Glenn."

Daryl shook his head, moving closer to her. "Nah, she's more like a little sister. And don't say Andrea either – she shot me, remember? Besides, she's more like a sister too."

"What am I, then, to you? How do you see me?" It cost her everything to ask.

"You…" He stepped closer and put his hands on her arms, drawing her toward him. "You're my. . . my. . . " In lieu of an answer, he allowed his lips to softly brush against hers.

Carol pulled away slightly and cocked an eyebrow. "How about Michonne?"

Daryl grunted softly. "That bitch is scary." He pulled Carol closer and kissed her again, softly and lightly, then pulled away and looked at her.

Carol laughed softly. "I don't scare you?"

Daryl closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? Woman, you scare the livin' shit outa me. Why you think I act like this?"

Carol's eyes softened as she reached up to put a hand in his hair. She pulled his face to hers again. "There's nothing to be afraid of," she whispered against his mouth.

"Wait," she said suddenly, pulling away. "You said _was _your brother."

"Huh?" His eyes were hooded and he was moving his face close to her again.

"Wait, wait," she stopped him with a hand on his chest. "Earlier, you said Merle _was _your brother."

He sighed and looked down. "He got bit."

"What? When?" She grasped his shoulders and shook a little, forcing him to look at her. "Tell me what happened."

He shook his head. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"But you have to talk about it," she said. "He was your brother and he's gone. What happened?"

Daryl let go of her and turned away a little. "I said I don't wanna talk about it," he said.

Carol sighed. "Fine," she said. "When you're ready, I'm here to listen." She hated the sound of tears behind her voice, and steeled herself so that she wouldn't cry. She'd felt such a wonderful connection just a few moments ago, and now he was distant again. She felt guilty even thinking about her own feelings when he had lost his brother and gone through who knows what kind of hell in the last few weeks, but she couldn't help it. Her lips still tingled from his kiss and she burned to feel his lips on hers again, but the moment had passed.

"Carol?" He was about to step into the bathroom, but had turned to look at her again.

"Yes?"

"You can take the couch. I'll sleep on the floor until I have to take over for Michonne."

Carol curled up on the couch while he was in the bathroom, facing the back of the couch and closing her eyes. She heard him come out again and felt his presence standing over her for a few minutes. He wanted to say something, or to touch her, maybe. Heck, maybe he was regretting the kiss and wanted to apologize for it. She was tired of guessing what he was thinking, so she snuggled deeper into the couch and tried to sleep. After she heard him settle on the floor, she brought her fingers to her lips and offered up a silent prayer that she would feel his kiss again soon. She smiled to herself, thinking maybe she should pray for the courage to make the next move.


	7. Chapter 7

Carol swore she could still feel her lips tingling when she woke up the next morning. She wondered if Daryl's kiss had branded her somehow, if she'd ever feel the same. All she knew was that she needed more, that one soft, brief kiss would never be enough. She hoped it was the same for him.

The house was quiet and still a bit dark, so she knew it must be rather early. Daryl still lay sleeping on the floor next to the couch, close enough for her to reach out and touch his face. She lightly ran her fingertips over his cheekbone and jawline, hoping he wouldn't wake up but unable to resist touching him. He looked so peaceful, and Daryl Dixon rarely looked peaceful. She smiled, hoping their kiss was a part of what gave him that expression. Then she remembered what Daryl had said last night about Merle. He was bitten, and Daryl didn't want to talk about it. It must have been so awful. Had Daryl put him down after the bite? Was Merle already bitten when Daryl found him? Maybe Daryl's look of peace came from finally having a resolution, finally knowing where Merle was and not having to wonder about his fate. She could understand that feeling. As much as Carol missed Sophia, she was definitely more at peace now than when Sophia was lost in the woods and she didn't know what had happened to her.

Carol wished she hadn't pushed Daryl to talk about what happened with Merle, even though she knew he would eventually have to tell her and everyone else. She couldn't help wondering what might have happened if she hadn't brought it up, if she'd simply continued kissing Daryl back and letting him hold her. What was the next step for them? She knew she would probably be the one who had to take that step, even though he had initiated the kiss last night. Once they broke their connection in some way, Carol always had to be the one to pull them back together. She understood that Daryl wasn't great with people, with social connections, but neither was she, at least not with romance. This was a struggle for both of them, but somehow they kept coming back together, so perhaps it was meant to be. She smiled again at that thought, and started lightly stroking his face again. She couldn't help touching him, and she wondered how long she would get away with it before he woke up. Her answer came quickly, when his hand reached up to hold hers and his eyes slowly opened. He turned his head to look at her, saying nothing. He held her gaze for what felt like forever, neither of them speaking or moving, his hand on hers.

"Daryl, are you—oh." T-Dog had come in, unnoticed by either Daryl or Carol. "Sorry," he muttered.

Daryl quickly moved his hand and shot up from the floor. "What do you want?" he asked T-Dog, irritation in his voice.

"Rick asked me to come over and get you." T-Dog glanced at Carol with a curious look on his face. "He wants you to head to the mall with him today, check things out."

"I thought y'all had already been out there a few times," Daryl said, picking up his crossbow.

"We have," said T-Dog, "but you haven't." Daryl just looked at him. Carol knew that it was hard for Daryl to accept how valuable he was to the group, how much they trusted his instincts over anyone else's. The whole group, not just Carol, had felt considerably less secure in his absence for the past few weeks.

After they left, Carol spent some time organizing the supplies Maggie and Glenn had brought back from their last run. She had already cleaned out the cabinets and established a system in the kitchen. She would've given anything for electricity to power the stove so she could cook a proper dinner for the group, but she knew they would have to settle for using the fireplace to heat up whatever cans of food they could find and to cook whatever animals Daryl could find on his hunts. While he was gone, T-Dog and Glenn tried to hunt but they'd only managed to get a couple of squirrels. Carol hoped Daryl could get a deer soon; everyone was in desperate need of some protein. She paused in her work, thinking about just how much everyone depended on Daryl. If he hadn't come back, they would've made it somehow. Everyone would've figured out how to survive, as they always seemed to. But Carol was beginning to think she couldn't survive without him, and not because of his hunting. She closed her eyes and put her fingers to her lips, again reliving the kiss.

"Are you ok?" Maggie had entered the kitchen and was eyeing Carol, amused.

Carol chuckled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About Daryl?"

"What?"

"Everybody's so glad he's back, but he hasn't told us what happened," Maggie said. "He's probably told you, though, right?"

"Why do you think he would've told me?" Carol looked away, busying herself with stacking soup cans in a cabinet.

"Well, obviously you two are close."

Carol turned to Maggie. "Sort of," she said, trying not to smile.

"There's a story there," Maggie said, grinning, "and I'm gonna get it out of you."

"There's no story," Carol said, chuckling, and went back to her work. She felt completely silly joking around about being close to Daryl. Were they really close? Or did he just need someone to protect? Carol had the impression that he'd pretty much been on his own all his life except for whatever relationship he'd had with Merle, and that seemed utterly toxic. She knew he liked having a place in the group, even if he would never admit it. But the kissing, the holding – was that just another way for him to feel needed? Was she really just the only woman available, and that's all it was? Daryl may be lacking in social skills and refinement, but there was no question that he was an attractive man. She never imagined she'd be kissed or touched by someone so sexy. If the world hadn't gone crazy, would he have even given her a second look? Carol hadn't felt beautiful in a long time, certainly not in the years she was with Ed. Not until Daryl looked at her.

"Somethin' just don't feel right," Daryl was saying as he walked into the living room with Rick later. Carol looked up from her sewing, her heart pounding as soon as she heard his voice. She felt like a silly teenager.

"We cleared the whole place, Daryl," Rick said. "It's safe. For now, anyway. And you saw how much stuff is there – camping supplies, food, clothes. What are the chances of us finding a place like that again?"

"We're fine here," Daryl said. "You wanna go window shoppin' with your woman, you go on ahead. I ain't movin' in there."

Rick set his jaw and stared at Daryl. "I know you're your own man and you'll do what you need to do, but if you're going to stay with this group—"

"Yeah, I get it," said Daryl. "Your way or the highway." He sat down next to Carol and laid his head back on the couch, closing his eyes. He looked exhausted, drained. Carol imagined it was more mental exhaustion than physical, the strain of arguing with Rick all day.

"You think about it then," Rick said lamely, then walked out.

"Shit," Daryl muttered.

"What is it about the mall that bothers you?" Carol asked.

He looked up then, noticing how close they were on the couch, and then looked away quickly. "I don't know, it just don't feel right to me. Can't explain it."

She reached toward him and put her hand on his shoulder, noticing that he still flinched slightly whenever someone touched him. Even her. "I trust you. I know Rick's supposed to be the leader here and I trust him too, but I'm not going anywhere that you don't think is safe." He gave a barely perceptible nod, then looked away again.

Carol decided to let him off the hook and talk about something light. "This is your shirt, by the way," she said, indicating the shirt she was sewing.

"What're you doin' to it?"

"I'm sewing the sleeves back on," she said, laughing. "You ripped them off the other day, like you do with all your shirts. Luckily I found the sleeves out on the porch. It's getting colder, Daryl, you might want to keep a few shirts with sleeves. Not that I mind looking at your arms," she couldn't resist adding.

He had dropped his head back again and closed his eyes. She thought she saw a small smile on his lips and she desperately wanted to press her mouth against his. Instead she reached out one fingertip and lightly brushed it over his bottom lip. He flinched again, jerking his hand up to catch hers.

She flushed, looking down. "I'm sorry, I –"

He shook his head. He kept her hand in his and sat up, moving closer to her. With his other hand, he cupped her chin and lifted her face slightly. She was ready for the kiss, was aching for it. When he brushed his lips against hers, she moved closer to him, pressing her body against his. She parted her lips slightly and felt his tongue pushing into her mouth. He released her hand to wrap his arms around her, stroking her back as he deepened the kiss. She heard a slight moan escape his lips, and it was almost too much for her. She moved around to slide into his lap, straddling him as his tongue stroked hers. His hands slid down to grip her hips and pull her closer to him. She pulled away to catch her breath. When she looked down at him, his eyes were half closed and he was panting. She'd never felt so powerful in her life.

"Should we be doing this here?" she asked, smiling.

"Don't know if I can stop," he murmured, pulling her face down to his again.

She kissed him more, reveling in the feeling of his arms around her and his mouth devouring hers, then reluctantly pulled away. "Anyone could come in. Let's wait until everyone's asleep," she whispered, lifting her body away from his. He nodded, and just as they separated, Andrea walked in. Carol wondered if she could sense what had just happened. She wasn't ready for everyone to know yet, and she knew that Daryl would be more comfortable if they kept it between themselves. But she was on fire, and she felt like the flame of her desire was lighting her from within. This wouldn't be a secret for long.


	8. Chapter 8

"Michonne and I are heading to one of the subdivisions we haven't tried yet to check out some houses," Andrea said. "Maybe we can find some running water. You want to come, Carol?"

Daryl looked up, glanced at Carol. "Um…sure," she said. No one ever asked her to go on runs.

"I just figured you'd like to get out," Andrea said. "You stay in the house too much." She was right, of course. The rest of the group still considered Carol weak and useless, unfortunately, except when it came to cooking and doing their laundry. She'd been forced to prove herself a few times in some hairy situations with walkers, but it would take a lot for everyone to completely change the way they viewed her. As much as they all seemed to care for her, only Daryl seemed to respect her for more than her domestic abilities, but even he seemed to believe she needed constant protection.

"I'm comin' too," Daryl said. Carol couldn't help rolling her eyes a little; she knew he was being overly protective. She would be safe with Andrea and Michonne. Besides, she was getting braver herself. She grabbed her knife and headed for the door, with Daryl following close behind. She had to admit she was happy he was coming along.

Andrea joined Michonne at the curb. "We thought we'd take Maggie and Glenn's car, so—"

"Nah." Daryl shook his head. "We're ridin'." He headed for his motorcycle and Carol followed. For a moment she felt an odd sort of pride, as if she were back in high school and the coolest boy had asked her to ride his motorcycle. She'd never had a moment like that in the past. Funny that it took the world ending for her to find these small joys. She felt silly for thinking it. Daryl made her feel like a woman, certainly, but she was reduced to a giddy girl sometimes by the excitement of her feelings for him. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight, telling herself to enjoy it while it lasted.

They parked at the end of a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood not far from the houses where they'd settled. "We've checked out most of the houses around here and haven't found much," Andrea said, "so let's hope we have some luck today."

Michonne walked in front, then Carol and Andrea side by side, with Daryl following. Carol felt safe with Daryl behind her. At first she was self-conscious, wondering if he was watching her walk, but then she chided herself. It was ridiculous to think he wasn't keeping an eye out for walkers and concentrating on survival. She knew him better than that.

As they walked, Andrea told Carol a bit about what had happened to her in the months since the farm. Carol knew some of her story but she hadn't had many opportunities to talk to her, so she was happy to listen. Andrea spent most of her time with Michonne these days, and after hearing about how the strong, quiet woman had saved her life more than once, Carol could see why they were so close.

The first few houses they tried were empty of anything useful. When they crossed the street, however, they struck gold. Not only did they find a decent stockpile of canned goods and water bottles, but they also found plenty of clothes in the closets and, best of all, running water. Michonne ran to the next house to check and then came back to report that it had running water as well. They'd found a section of the subdivision that was still hooked to a working water line. Andrea and Carol whooped and cheered and Daryl even gave a smile. He cupped his hand and drank from the faucet.

"Oh my god, does this mean we can take showers?" Carol asked, hardly able to believe it.

"We should probably be pretty conservative, but I'd say a shower or two is in order," Andrea said, glancing at Daryl and chuckling. He scowled at her.

Carol busied herself looking through the bedroom closets while the others started loading up food and water bottles. They all needed some warmer clothes. They'd left the farm with nothing and hadn't found much since then. This house was a gold mine. She found a few jackets and several sweatshirts that would keep them all warm, and even found a few undergarments for them. She knew the women would love having extras. While she was folding the clothes in piles on the bed, she glanced up to see that Daryl was leaning in the doorframe, watching her. She smiled shyly. "So many clothes here," she said. "I'll never get used to wearing dead people's things, though."

Daryl shrugged. "They're just clothes."

"I know. But look at this." She pulled a short black dress out of the closet and held it up to her body. It was cut in a deep v-neck, sleeveless, and flared out from the hips. "How do you think she felt when she wore this? How many times did she wear it? Did she feel special in it?"

"Keep it if you like it," he said.

Carol looked down at herself, laughing. "Where would I wear something like this? Have I been invited to a party I don't know about?" She looked up to see his eyes raking over her hungrily, and she heard the words he was too shy to speak: _You can wear it for me_. She took a deep breath, then folded it and tucked it into the middle of one of the piles.

"Do you think Rick will want to move into these houses?" she asked, trying to alleviate the tension a bit. "Or will he still want to head for the mall?"

"I don't know," Daryl answered. "I vote for the houses."

"A shower would be nice," she said.

"Nah," he said.

"You don't want to take a shower?" she asked, giggling. "I know you don't mind being dirty, Daryl, but come on…"

"That's not what I meant," he said. "I like baths." He turned then and stepped into the hall, leaving her to imagine his naked form in a bathtub. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a moment, then went back to her work.

When Andrea and Michonne decided to head back to their house, Carol asked Daryl if he would mind waiting around for a few minutes while she checked the other bedrooms for children's clothes for Carl and maybe some baby things for Lori. "It won't take long," she said. "I want to make sure I get some things for them in case we don't come back out here for some reason."

"Why wouldn't we come back?"

"Daryl, you know as well as I do that nothing is certain," she said. "We kind of have to live in the moment these days." She flushed at her own words, aware that they'd been doing just that when they were kissing earlier that day.

She decided to throw caution to the wind then and stepped closer to Daryl. He gazed at her with a questioning look on his face. "Daryl," she whispered. "We're alone now. Why don't we take that bath?"

Daryl looked down. "Nah," he said. "We'd have to start a fire to get the water hot, and we should save the water until we talk to the rest of the group."

"Ok," she said quickly, turning away to hide the tears that threatened to fall. She was embarrassed to have been rejected, of course, and she felt like a fool.

"Carol," he whispered, and she felt him come up behind her and put his arms around her waist. He placed one hand on her stomach, lifting her shirt a little to feel her bare skin. Then she felt his lips against her neck, and she lowered her head back against his shoulder, arching her neck to give him access. He kissed her softly at first, at the same time rubbing her stomach in small circles with his thumb. Then his whole hand pressed against her stomach and she felt the tip of his tongue against her neck. He slid his hand under her shirt until his palm had found her breast. He stroked her over her bra, and she could feel her nipple hardening, pressing into the center of his palm through the thin material. His lips and tongue increased their pressure now and he was licking and sucking the skin on her neck, driving her wild. She put her hand over his and guided it downward a little, aching for him to touch her everywhere. His hand slid into the waistband of her pants. He didn't need to bother with unzipping them, since she'd lost so much weight and they hung on her hips. He hesitated then, and stopped kissing her neck for a second. His breath was hot against her skin. "Are you sure?" he asked softly. She nodded, unable to speak. His hand slid into her panties, his fingers cold and hard against her soft heat. Desire had rendered her slick and wet and ready for him, and he slipped a finger inside her, groaning a little against her neck. She wanted so desperately to see his face, to see if his arousal matched hers. She felt his erection pressing into her and knew how much he wanted her, but she wanted to see it in his eyes. He slid his fingers up and down against her, brushing softly over her clit and making her moan.

"God, Daryl…" At the sound of his name, he increased the pressure. He pushed his fingers deeper inside her and held them there, feeling her clench around him. She reached one hand up to grip his hair, holding on while she rode out her orgasm on his hand. He held her tightly against him, still sucking the delicate skin on her neck while she cried out.

He moved his hand to her waist again, then whipped her around quickly to face him, crushing his mouth to hers. She was breathless, barely able to stand, wondering what was next. She'd thought she would make the next move, and she'd even tried with that bath suggestion, but now she felt completely at his mercy. His mouth devoured hers, and she never wanted to come up for air.


	9. Chapter 9

Carol was still breathless, but Daryl's kisses were relentless. Without breaking contact, he backed her up to the bed and gently guided her down. She lay back on the piles of clothes and gazed up at him. He quickly took off his shirt and lay beside her, his mouth seeking hers again. He lay on his back and pulled her on top of him, running his hands over her back and her ass, pressing her against him while he kissed her for what seemed like ages. He pulled her shirt over her head and unhooked her bra, his eyes closed the whole time. Even with all the kissing and touching they'd done so far, there was still a shyness between them. Carol wondered if he was afraid to look at her, afraid if they took a moment to think about what they were doing they might just stop.

They both moaned at the sensation of her breasts against his bare chest. Daryl flipped her over onto her back and pulled away a little, finally opening his eyes to look at her. He took in the sight of her naked breasts for only a moment before he dipped his head to take one hard nipple into his mouth. Carol cried out, throwing her head back. Was he going to make her come again? She could feel his hard cock pressing against her through their clothes. She was tempted to tear off his pants and take him inside her, but she didn't want to stop what he was doing to her with his mouth. He stayed on each nipple for a long time, his tongue stroking it slowly, his hot mouth sucking. Carol had never felt like this before, and nothing could've prepared her for watching Daryl lavish her body with this kind of attention. She wanted to return the favor and give him some pleasure, but he seemed to be enjoying taking his time with her.

Suddenly there was a loud crash from downstairs, and Daryl shot up. "Was that from the porch?" Carol asked. They both quickly threw on their shirts and grabbed their weapons. Daryl kept Carol behind him as they slowly made their way down the stairs. Carol's body was still trembling from her orgasm and from Daryl's attention, but she tried to focus on remaining quiet and alert.

"Daryl? Carol?" They heard Maggie's voice from the porch. "It's just us!"

Daryl opened the door and glared at them. "What the fuck?"

"Hey, sorry," Glenn said, "we were going to knock like normal people but Maggie knocked that chair over." Maggie gave an apologetic smile, and Daryl just sighed. He looked over at Carol, blushing a little. "Rick sent us to get you guys," Glenn continued. "He was uh. . .afraid you might stay too long."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Daryl asked.

Glenn looked as if he didn't know what to say, so Maggie jumped in. "Rick just wanted to make sure you guys got home before it got too late."

"He ain't my daddy," Daryl said.

"Come look at all the clothes I found," Carol said, taking Maggie's hand. Daryl and Glenn followed. Carol showed them around, and Maggie and Glenn were excited about the running water. Daryl kept shooting glances at Carol and then shyly looking away. She was astonished that he could be so bold with her in private and then barely look at her now. At one point, however, she caught him staring at her breasts. She'd forgotten to put her bra back on, so her nipples stood out against the fabric. She could still feel a slight wetness on them, where his tongue had been working, and knowing that he was thinking about it sent a thrill through her body. She didn't know if she could stand waiting much longer to be alone with him again.

When they came back downstairs, Maggie gasped. "A piano! Carol, didn't you tell me you used to play?"

"Oh, yeah, a little," Carol said, shrugging.

"Can you play something?" Maggie asked. "Please?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Glenn said, looking at Daryl. "What if there are walkers around and they hear the noise?"

"Oh come on, just a little something," Maggie pleaded. "We never hear music anymore. The world is so sad without music. She can play it softly, right, Carol?"

Carol looked at Daryl and he shrugged, assenting. She sat on the piano bench and stretched her fingers out. It had been so long since she'd touched a piano. Even before the walkers came, Carol hadn't played in years. Ed had sold her piano a long time ago, saying it was unnecessary. She had always wanted to teach Sophia how to play, but he said there was no use in it. "I don't know if I remember anything," she said now, suddenly embarrassed. Then she touched her fingers to the keys and sighed, recalling how much she had loved playing the piano as a child. Her mother had taught her how to play, and for many years of her childhood it was her favorite thing to do. She'd loved just sitting down and making up songs, but she also loved learning the classics, playing music that had been loved for centuries. She played the first few notes of a Chopin nocturne that she'd always loved, and suddenly it came back to her. She played it in its entirety, skipping any crescendos or sforzandos that might draw the attention of a neighborhood walker, and when she stopped the others were silent.

"Oh my god," Maggie said. "That was so beautiful." Carol looked up shyly and was pleased at the smiles on Maggie and Glenn's faces.

Daryl's face, on the other hand, looked serious and almost angry. "Enough," he said gruffly. "We need to get out of here."

They packed up some of the new clothes and grabbed the few bottles of water that Andrea and Michonne had left in the kitchen and headed out. "I love this house," Maggie said.

"Me too," Carol said, thinking that she'd known more joy in the last couple of hours than she had in many years. She'd never expected to find any kind of happiness again after Sophia died.

Daryl had barely spoken to her as they left the house, and she didn't know why he suddenly seemed angry after her piano playing. Perhaps he was angry that they'd taken a risk with the noise. She didn't get a chance to talk to him about it until after a long conversation with Rick and the others about the new houses they'd found.

"We need to decide if we want to move in there now or just keep going there for supplies and water," Rick was saying, while Andrea rolled her eyes.

"Why wouldn't we move in?" Michonne asked. "Why carry water when we can just live where it runs?"

"We'll see," Rick said. "We have to think about the mall too. If we're going to settle in one spot, we need to make sure it's the best place for all of us."

Carol didn't feel like worrying about Rick's decisions and whether or not they should settle here or there. She just wanted to get Daryl alone and see what was going on in his head. He hadn't said a word to anyone since they left the new house. Finally, when he was on watch that night, Carol seized the opportunity to talk to him and joined him on the porch.

"Hey," she said quietly. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothin'," he muttered.

"You haven't said a word since this afternoon," she continued. "Are you angry about something?"

Daryl sighed, finally looking at her. "Yeah, I'm angry," he said. "I'm angry at myself. I didn't protect you today."

"What?"

"When Maggie and Glenn showed up," he said. "That coulda been a walker. We weren't payin' attention. We gotta stay focused. I gotta."

"Daryl, we just—"

"I know what we did. We weren't thinkin'." He looked away from her.

"Don't make it like this," she whispered. "You made me feel—"

"No," he said. "We can't let our guard down like that. We can't forget what kinda world we're in now, Carol. Besides, you. . ." He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

"I what?" She moved closer to him.

"You're too. . . you're too good, Carol."

"Too good for what?"

"For me," he answered, looking into her eyes. "You're too good for me. I was thinkin', when you were playin' that song, I just—"

"Stop it," she said, a little harshly. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to decide that because I can play a little Chopin I'm suddenly not right for you. And you don't get to throw away what we've built because the world is dangerous."

They looked at each other for a long time. She wanted to reach out and touch his face but she didn't think he would allow it. How did they get here? Just a few hours ago he was kissing her, touching her everywhere, making her feel things she'd never felt before. What happened?

"I can't do this, Carol," he said, so softly she barely heard him. She went into the house and slammed the door behind her. She didn't care if the noise brought a thousand walkers.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you soooo much to all the lovely folks who are following my story and especially to those of you who have posted comments. H8erade, your comment about Chopin in a zombie apocalypse gave me the idea for how to start this chapter, so thanks! Dixonrocks, crystal2817, and melniewn, thanks for continuing to post comments, and thanks to everyone! I love love love getting reviews, and it makes me want to find the time to continue writing. I know we're not too happy with Daryl's decision in the last chapter, but don't worry – without conflict there would be no story, right? Things have to be a bit difficult between our two beloved but damaged heroes. **

_Chopin._ Who cares about Chopin when the dead are rising all around you? Carol knew it was an excuse, just a way to get out of what was happening between them. She was angry with Daryl for using an excuse, but she also knew it went deeper than that. He knew she wasn't "too good" for him. Neither of them had ever had anything in their lives, had ever amounted to much before the world turned crazy. Just because Carol knew how to tap out a tune on the piano, that didn't make her better than anyone, and Daryl knew it. What he probably meant was that she's too soft for him, too vulnerable, and he didn't trust himself to protect her and love her at the same time. Carol knew he might be right about that, but it was a risk she was willing to take. She was too far gone now. If she couldn't be with him, what was worth protecting? When she lost her little girl, at first she thought she'd lost everything that mattered. But it didn't take long for her to realize that he mattered too, that she could survive as long as she had him.

Everyone was anxious to make a decision about where to settle the group. Rick still believed the mall was a better setup, and T-Dog, Hershel, and Beth agreed with him. They thought the mall would be safer, even with Daryl's instincts raising a red flag. Everyone else wanted to settle in the new houses with running water and stay in the neighborhood as long as they could. Carol loved the idea of feeling like she lived in an actual home. She didn't want to stay in tents anymore, certainly, and though she wasn't opposed to camping out in a mall as long as it was safe, she didn't want to go anywhere Daryl didn't believe was safe.

The decision was delayed for a few days when Lori got sick. She was in her second trimester now, and so was past the early morning sickness, but now she had severe headaches and she was constantly tired. Hershel worried about pre-eclampsia. He used a blood pressure cuff they'd found on one of their runs to a pharmacy, and discovered that her blood pressure was a little high but not too alarming. Rick asked everyone to stay put for a few days before making any decisions about moving. When she was feeling better, they would all make a trip to the mall together and scout out the area so they could make a clear decision.

Daryl stayed gone all day, every day. He often returned with meat for the group, sometimes a deer but usually squirrels or owls. Some days he returned empty-handed. Every day he returned without a word to Carol or anyone else. He took his turns on watch and then slept on the couch or the living room floor, and then early the next morning he was gone again. Carol knew there was no use in talking to him. He had made his decision for now. She wondered if maybe she had rushed things too much and instead should have given him some time to mourn his brother. No one seemed to know what had happened with Merle, and everyone was afraid to ask him.

"Carol, is Daryl ok?" Rick asked one day.

Carol shrugged. "I guess," she said. "How would I know?"

"You're closer to him than anyone else," Rick said. "Has he told you what happened while he was gone?"

She shook her head, biting her lip. She felt tears threatening to fall and didn't trust her voice. She was thankful when Rick simply nodded and left her alone. She wasn't ready for anyone else to know what was going on between her and Daryl, or how hurt she was by his decision to stop it. She'd nearly told Maggie because the two had grown closer in the past month, sharing a bed every night. Maggie had even caught her staring at Daryl while he slept.

She'd knelt beside him while he slept on the floor one night. His face looked almost peaceful but his eyebrows were drawn in slightly. Carol wondered if he ever dreamed about her. She certainly dreamed about him, about his touch. She looked at his hands while he slept, longing to take one in hers. She felt a thrill when she looked at his fingers and remembered them inside her. She felt herself growing wet and silently cursed herself for thinking about that, knowing it would only make things more difficult for her to remember that afternoon. But she couldn't help it. She thought about it all the time. She looked at his lips and remembered how they had claimed hers, how he had kissed her so long she didn't know where her mouth ended and his began. She couldn't bear the thought of never kissing him or never feeling his hands on her again. She knew it was dangerous to sit next to him and stare like this. He could easily wake up and catch her doing it. But instead Maggie entered the room and caught her.

"Carol?" she whispered. "Is everything ok?"

Carol shot up. "Oh, yes, he's fine," she said, recovering quickly. "Daryl was making noises in his sleep, so I just wanted to make sure he was ok."

Maggie nodded sleepily and made her way back to bed, and Carol followed. She stepped over Glenn, who was sleeping on the floor at the foot of her bed. "Maggie, why don't you let Glenn take the bed with you for the rest of the night? I'll sleep on the couch."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," Carol answered. "You guys should be together as much as you can. I certainly don't want to be the one keeping you apart." Maggie smiled with gratitude and shook Glenn to wake him up for the move.

Carol lay on the couch and watched Daryl sleep for a long time before drifting into sleep herself. The next day they were planning their group trip to the mall, so she knew she needed enough rest, but it was hard to tear her eyes away from Daryl. When he was awake, it was too awkward to look at him. In her dreams that night, however, he _did _look at her. He stared into her eyes, held her close, whispered in her ear, kissed her, and did all the things she knew would probably never happen now. As she was waking she thought she felt a hand against her face, but when she opened her eyes she saw the back of him as he walked out the door. She'd imagined it, surely.

She rode on the back of his motorcycle to the mall, simply because that was what everyone expected. When she'd approached the cars, he'd looked at her long enough to give her a slight nod, and she'd climbed on hesitantly. She'd used the excuse to wrap her arms around his waist and press her face against his back as they rode. She wanted to slide her hands up to his chest, to touch him, stroke him, but she managed to resist. She could feel his heartbeat pounding through his back, however, and she smiled a little, hoping maybe that had something to do with her proximity.

When they arrived at the mall, they split into small groups to check things out. Carol went with Andrea and Michonne, and they headed to one of the large department stores to see how many mattresses they could find. They were hoping to find enough for everyone to sleep comfortably and no one to end up in a sleeping bag on the floor. Carol noticed that Daryl stayed close by, standing guard in the food court that was located next to the department store. She relaxed a little and allowed herself to enjoy looking through the store. When she was married to Ed, she never had any money of her own to buy things. Everything she had for the house was a hand-me-down from either her mother or Ed's. Carol had always wanted to be able to choose her own curtains and bedding and make her home look nice instead of just using whatever was available. Now none of that mattered, of course, but she still enjoyed looking at the pretty things that were still on display here.

Carol was making a stack of warm blankets that would come in handy in the cold winter months when she heard the first walker. At first there was just a shuffling noise, like someone walking around near her, and she assumed it was Andrea or Michonne, but then she heard their voices from farther away and knew it couldn't be them. She hoped it was Daryl or another member of the group, but her heart started pounding and she knew she was in danger. She crouched down behind a shelf and pulled out her knife. She knew she needed to alert Andrea and Michonne, who were still talking and would probably draw the walker's attention their way, but she wasn't sure what to do.

Suddenly the walker turned the corner and was facing Carol, snarling and quickly shuffling toward her. He looked like a teenage boy, not too much older than Carl, still wearing a baseball cap. Carol raised her knife, thrusting it hard into the walker's left eye and he dropped. She put her foot on his chest to pull the knife out, and when she raised it again and turned around she saw two more walkers heading toward her. Michonne came up behind one and sliced his head off with her sword, while Andrea took out the other one with a knife. "Come on," Andrea whispered, taking Carol's hand. The three women headed quietly through the store, knowing there were probably more of them and wanting to make it to the others to warn them. Carol's heart jumped and she held back a sob. She had to find Daryl.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews and comments. Keep them coming, please! I didn't want to rush this chapter, but I haven't had much time to write lately so I kind of threw it together this morning. I hope it's not disappointing! As for where our characters go from here, I really don't know yet. Stick with me, and I'll figure it out!**

When Andrea, Michonne, and Carol left the department store and turned to the food court, they saw that Daryl and the others already had their hands full with walkers. It wasn't a herd, exactly, but there were at least twenty walkers shuffling around the group, snarling and snapping their teeth. Lori, Beth, and Carl were nowhere to be seen. Carol hoped they were hiding somewhere and were safe. Carol watched Rick take out two walkers while Hershel was struggling with one close by. T-Dogg was running in to help Hershel, and Daryl was busy shooting arrows from a distance to take out as many as possible before they came any closer. He looked around to the door of the department store, and when he saw her his eyes widened. "Carol, look out!" he shouted. She turned just in time to see the walker before he grabbed her shoulders. He opened his mouth wide and leaned toward her, then an arrow sailed through the air and landed in his forehead and he dropped. Carol screamed and turned back around to see that Daryl was already aiming his crossbow at other walkers, busy protecting everyone. Andrea and Michonne rushed in to fight, and Carol stood there with her knife, watching in despair.

Suddenly the sound of Hershel's scream rose above all the other noises of their fight, and Carol rushed to him. Maggie and Glenn appeared as well, and the others continued to fight off the remaining walkers. T-Dogg had killed the walker that was attacking Hershel, but not before he had managed to bite Hershel's leg. Maggie sobbed as Hershel cried out and the others looked on in fear. Would they have to put him down? Carol couldn't bear the thought. Hershel had become something of a father figure for all of them. He'd done so much for the group, allowing them to stay on his farm, saving Carl's life. What would they do without him when the time came for Lori's baby to be born? How would Maggie and Beth bear losing their father?

When Rick and the others had finally managed to dispatch the rest of the walkers, they all rushed over to where Hershel lay, bleeding and suffering. Lori, Carl, and Beth came out of hiding as well. Rick quickly made the decision to sever Hershel's leg above the bite, and as horrifying as that solution was, everyone knew it was Hershel's only hope for survival. No one could bear seeing Hershel develop the fever that would lead to his death and turning, and so Rick did what needed to be done. Carol couldn't watch. She walked away, trying not to hear Hershel's screams. She saw Daryl looking at her but she couldn't read his expression. She couldn't think about him now. It was all too much. Too much sadness, too much fear. She'd had enough of being weak and waiting for other people to save her, of being useless during attacks. She knew things had to change, but she wasn't sure what to do. Maybe one more fighter would've made the difference for Hershel. Maybe she should've been fighting alongside T-Dogg to fend off that walker. The guilt overwhelmed her.

They knew there was a possibility that more walkers lay in wait in other parts of the mall, and they were in a hurry to get out. They managed to stop Hershel's blood flow and get him to the cars, and everyone loaded up to leave. The sun was starting to come down and they knew there was always a chance that they would even have to fight walkers at their home base. Would they ever feel safe, even for a moment?

When they got back to their houses, everyone gathered around the cars. "Come with me," Daryl growled, grabbing Carol's arm and leading her to his motorcycle.

"Daryl, wait," Rick's voice followed them. "We need to talk about this, figure out our next step."

Daryl ignored him, getting on his bike and indicating that Carol should as well. She hopped on behind him and grasped his waist, still trembling with the fear she'd felt in the mall. She was so tired of being afraid. "Where are you going?" Rick yelled after them as Daryl started the bike and took off. Carol clung tightly to him, letting herself cry until some of the fear had gone away. He pulled up to the new house with running water, stopped the bike, and led her to the door. "When we get inside, I'm gonna make sure everything's safe. Just stay behind me, and get your knife ready."

They walked through the house, upstairs and down, making sure it was clear. Carol flushed when they checked the bedroom where Daryl had made her come, wondering if he was remembering it too. They went back downstairs and Daryl locked the doors. He moved a heavy chair in front of the front door and blocked the back door with a shelf. "That'll have to do," he muttered, then grasped her hand and led her up the stairs.

"Daryl, what are we—"

"Shh," he said. "Just come with me."

He led her back to the bedroom and closed the door behind them, pushing the dresser in front of it. Then he turned back around and stared at the floor, chewing his bottom lip.

"What are we doing here, Daryl?" She stepped toward him.

He finally looked up. "Carol, I don't wanna talk," he said. "I don't wanna think about what we're doin', or whether we should be doin' it, or what it means. I almost lost you tonight."

"But you didn't. You've saved me a thousand times," she said.

"If I need to, I'll save you every day for the rest of my life."

"I need to start saving myself," she said. She wanted to talk to him about her earlier revelation in the mall, her desire to be more useful to the group beyond cooking and cleaning, but she knew this wasn't the time. "But what are we doing here, Daryl?"

He reached toward her and pulled her into his arms. "I just – I had to get you away from everybody else. I had to . . . I had to be with you."

She pressed her face into his neck and wrapped her arms around him, stroking his back. "Ok," she said. "We don't have to talk anymore." She looked up at him, parting her lips slightly, waiting for his kiss. Instead, he shifted his arms so he could pick her up and carry her to the bed. She giggled, astonished that she was able to do so after the horrible day they'd gone through.

He lay her on the bed and then lowered himself down beside her. "Are you sure this is ok with you?" he asked as he started unbuttoning her shirt.

"Oh, Daryl," she said. "This is more than ok." He smiled a little and bent to kiss her. She parted her lips to accept his tongue, moaning a little as he claimed her mouth. For a long time they simply kissed while his hand lightly stroked her stomach and chest. She finally broke away and removed her shirt, and he hastily slipped his shirt over his head. She could never get used to the sight of his strong arms and shoulders. Knowing that he had used that strength once again to keep her alive just made her love him even more. She wanted so badly to tell him that she loved him, that she would always love him, but she decided to stay quiet for now. She knew he cared for her. It was obvious now. But was he ready to hear how she truly felt about him?

Daryl kissed her again, sliding his hand down her stomach to the waistband of her pants. He struggled with the button and zipper a little, and she wondered if he was actually nervous. She reached down to help, unfastening her pants and slipping them down her pants, then kicking her way out of them as he watched. He groaned at the sight of her in just panties, then slid one hand slowly up her thigh. His fingertips lightly brushed across her center then slid down the other thigh. She gasped. "Daryl. . ."

"I don't know if I can wait," he murmured.

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't wait. I want you now." She'd never been so wet in her life, had never wanted so badly to be fucked. The look in his eyes told her that he needed this as badly as she did. He quickly took off his pants and pulled off her underwear, then positioned himself above her. He hesitated for a moment, so Carol reached down and grasped his cock firmly in her hands, guiding it to her entrance. "Now, Daryl," she whispered shakily.

He slid into her slowly, stretching her, filling her, allowing her to feel every inch of him. She cried out as her hips lifted to meet his and he sank into her. He let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes. Just a moment before, Carol had wanted desperately for him to fuck her hard, to push into her quickly, but now she could see that this was what they both needed. As much as they wanted this, they needed to take their time, to make every touch last forever. She briefly allowed herself to wonder how many women Daryl had been with and whether he'd ever loved anyone. She knew she'd never felt anything like this before. Daryl opened his eyes to look at her, and they held each other's gaze as he continued to slowly slide his cock in and out of her. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, and he increased the speed slightly. He slid his hand between them to move his fingers against her clit as his cock stroked inside her, making her moan. "Daryl. . .please. . ." she whispered, and his fingers and cock sped up again. When she came, she forced her eyes open so she could see his face. Watching her come and feeling her body clenching him, pulling him in deeper and tighter made him explode inside her. He stayed inside her for a long moment, collapsing against her and breathing heavily. "I love you," she mouthed over his shoulder, still afraid to say it aloud.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I've never written smut before, so please excuse me if my smut is lame. Ha! Anyway, our two favorite characters are still hiding out together in this little chapter, so enjoy! Please keep the reviews coming!**

"Are you ok?" Daryl asked sleepily.

"Perfect," she answered. "Go to sleep." They were both exhausted, and Carol knew that talking was out of the question for many reasons. What would they say?

She watched him sleep for a while, pleased that he actually looked peaceful and content for the first time since she'd known him. Did she do that? It thrilled her to think that she could've given him peace or happiness, even for a moment. She didn't know how things would look in the morning, but for now she was going to revel in this feeling.

Carol woke to the feeling of Daryl's rough, callused hand moving on her breasts. Her nipple tightened under his palm, and she felt his hard cock pressing against her ass. She squirmed against him and parted her legs slightly. He lifted her leg and hooked it back around his body. She gasped when she felt his cock slide into her. What a way to wake up, she thought. She wondered why he was keeping her turned away from him. Did he not want to face her? Then she decided to stop thinking and just enjoy the feeling of him moving inside her. He came very quickly, then pulled her tighter to him. "You didn't. . . did you?" he asked.

"Well, I owed you one."

"Oh, we're keeping score now," he said, laughing a little. "Fuck that."

It felt so good to hear him laugh, to see him smile. Carol knew he hadn't had much joy in his life, if any. Neither had she, for that matter. She'd loved being a mother, but. . . no, she wouldn't think about that now.

"Turn around, woman," he whispered in her ear. "I want to see your face."

"No way. I'm going on a toothpaste hunt first."

He watched as she threw on her shirt and underwear and headed for the bathroom. A few minutes later, she called out, "Daryl, oh my god!" He shot out of bed and rushed to her side. "Whoa, whoa, it's ok." She put her hand on his chest to calm him. "No emergency. I was just excited because I hit the jackpot in here. Look at this!" She held up two new toothbrushes, still in their packages, and a tube of toothpaste. "And Daryl, we can actually take showers!"

"You sayin' I'm dirty?" He cocked an eyebrow and pulled her into his arms.

Carol laughed. "We're both filthy and you know it. I haven't felt really clean in months. It'll be a cold shower, but it looks like you could use one." She looked down pointedly at his erection.

They quickly brushed their teeth and turned on the water in the shower. It was ice cold, of course, so they braced themselves. "Maybe we should start a fire and heat up water for baths instead," Carol said.

"Nah. Let's just do this fast."

"Together?"

"Why not? It'll save water."

"I don't know. . ." Carol hesitated.

"What, you're afraid I'll see you naked? That ship has sailed. Come on." He took the hem of her shirt and lifted it quickly over her head, and she felt herself blush. She didn't know why she was suddenly so shy. Maybe it was the bright daylight streaming in the window, or the way he looked so perfect and beautiful, or that little nagging thought in the back of her head that all this would have to end soon and they'd go back to being distant.

"Daryl, what are we doing?" she asked. "Shouldn't we get back to the others?"

"No." He shook his head. "Not yet. I want more time with you." She smiled then, slipped off her underwear, and stepped into the shower with him. The water was ice cold and within seconds they were shivering. Daryl pulled her close to him and started running his hands over her body. Carol pulled away to open the bottle of shower gel she'd found. She squeezed some out into her hands and rubbed it into his chest and shoulders. He closed his eyes and seemed to be enjoying the feel of her hands on his body, but then he opened them and grabbed her hands. "Wait. If we do this, we'll never get out of this shower and we'll freeze to death. Let's just get it done and get back to bed."

"You don't have to ask me twice," Carol said. Then they quickly washed themselves and got out, grabbing towels from the shelf to wrap around their bodies. They hurried to the bed and crawled under the blankets. Carol was shivering violently and didn't think she would ever warm up. Daryl pulled off their towels and threw them across the room, then wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. His skin already felt warm against hers, so she snuggled as close against him as possible. His breathing turned ragged, and he pulled her completely on top of him, then pulled her face down to his to kiss her. He flipped her over onto her back then and covered her with his body, warming her completely, and moved his mouth to her throat. "You taste so good," he murmured, as his lips and tongue traveled down to her breasts. Her nipples were already hard and tight from the cold. He sucked each one into his mouth as his hand slid between her thighs. He gently slid his fingers inside her, matching the rhythm of his sucking. He groaned as he lowered his head further and positioned himself between her legs.

"Daryl. . ."

"Shh," he said. "Let me taste you."

At the first touch of his tongue, Carol's body jumped. "S-sorry," she stammered. He grasped her hips to hold her still and pressed his mouth against her. She gasped at the intimacy of it. Ed had certainly never done this, and she'd never actually wanted him to. It was nice to fantasize about, but she'd never imagined she would feel Daryl's mouth on her this way. His lips pressed against her as if he was kissing her mouth, and he moaned as his tongue slid up and down her wet slit. It sounded as though he was enjoying this as much as she was. Finally, he pushed his tongue inside her, fucking her with it, and she thought she might lose her mind. The tip of his tongue slid up to her clit and pressed there, and a shudder went through her entire body. His hands squeezed her hips to lift her up a bit, to press his face into her even more, and she lost control. Her orgasm racked her body as he kept his mouth on her, his tongue still moving, tasting, lapping.

"Are you warm now?" he asked as he pulled himself up to lie beside her. He found her with her hands over her face. "Carol, don't be embarrassed," he whispered. "That's the most fun I've ever had," he said, laughing a little.

"God, Daryl, really?" She removed her hands and looked at him. "There's no question that it's the most fun I've ever had."

"I'll let you rest for a minute before we even up the score," he said. They both laughed and snuggled against each other again. Carol wondered how long this could possibly last. It felt as though they'd stolen this time together and she thought they would have to pay for it somehow. She tried to put that out of her mind and allow herself to enjoy being in Daryl's arms, but she wondered if she was thinking the same thing.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here's a little smut and a little cheesy fluff for you. I'm prolonging their time together but I suppose they'll eventually have to leave their little hideout…**

Carol and Daryl spent the day sleeping, making love, rummaging in the kitchen to find stuff to eat, then making love some more. By evening they had thoroughly explored each other's bodies and Carol felt more comfortable with him than she ever imagined she would be. She marveled at how quickly things had changed between them, and she was terrified of losing the new ground they'd gained.

"Daryl, what happens when we go back?" she asked over a bowl of dry cereal they'd found in the pantry.

"Rick'll chew us out, I guess," he said between bites. "Wish we had milk."

"I mean, everyone will have questions," Carol continued. "They'll wonder what we've been doing here."

"None of their business," he said, "but I'm sure they can guess." He looked up at her with a little smile.

"I can't even believe this day, Daryl," she said, reaching for his hand. "It's been wonderful. Thank you so much for this."

Daryl pulled his hand back quickly. "Why're you thankin' me? You act like we're gonna get killed as soon as we walk out that door or somethin.'"

"No, that's not what I mean—"

"Well, what _do_ you mean?" His eyes flashed in anger. "You think this was some kinda gift I gave to you? Nothin' in it for me? Are you kiddin'?"

"I was just trying to tell you how much this has meant to me."

"Well, don't act like this is all there is to it then," he said, calming down a little. "Some kinda one-night stand or somethin.' You think we're gonna go back to the way things were after this?"

"Well, that's up to you, isn't it?" she asked. She suddenly felt like she was walking on eggshells, like one wrong word would erase this entire wonderful day.

"Why is it up to me? It's both of us here. You're in this as much as I am. You think you don't have a say?" He stood up then and tossed his bowl into the sink, then stalked out of the room.

Carol didn't follow, because she was simply stunned. _Did_ she have a say? All her life, she'd let other people make decisions for her. She'd let Ed rule over her because she was afraid not to, and before that her parents had told her what to do. And then when Sophia was born, her whole life revolved around her daughter. She'd never made any choices for herself. Being with Daryl was the first choice she'd ever wanted to make, and she had still left it up to him. She'd thought she was supposed to do that, but apparently he had other ideas. And he was right. Why shouldn't she have a say in this? She was tired of leaving everything up to other people. She'd even been leaving her own survival up to the rest of the group, especially Daryl, and she was done with that. She needed to learn how to take care of herself. She took care of everyone in all the ways that mattered, loving them and nurturing them and making them as comfortable as they could be, but they took care of making sure she stayed alive and she couldn't return that favor. She was determined to change that, to stand up for herself. Starting now, with Daryl.

"Ok," she said from the kitchen doorway, watching him check the security of the door and windows.

He turned. "Ok what?"

"Ok, I have a say," she said, lifting her chin. "And I say I want to be with you, like this, as much as I can. Every day. And I don't care who knows it. I want you, Daryl. All of you."

He walked over to her and took her hands, then pressed his forehead to hers. "Was that so hard to say?"

"You have no idea," she said. "I feel brave enough to take on a herd of walkers right now."

"Bite your tongue, woman. Don't ask for trouble."

"That's another thing," she said, backing away from him a little. "I need to start taking care of myself. You can't worry so much about protecting me. I have to protect myself, just like Andrea and Michonne do."

Daryl nodded. "I'm still gonna look out for you, but I get what you're sayin.'" He held her face in his hands then and gazed into her eyes for a moment, and Carol knew that she wasn't the only one being brave. For months Daryl had avoided eye contact with everyone and had only intermittently looked at her, which had shown her that he felt closer to her than to anyone else in the group. Now he was looking straight into her eyes, not backing down from what was happening between them. It was an enormous step for both of them.

A sudden loud knock on the door interrupted the moment, and they tore their eyes away from each other. "Carol! Daryl! Are you guys in there?" It was Glenn.

"Fuck off!" Daryl shouted, and Carol gasped, hiding a smile behind her hand.

"Daryl, come on," Glenn pleaded. "Open the door. It's just me and Maggie."

Daryl opened the door and pulled them inside. "I'll let you in because I don't want your sorry asses attractin' walkers. But I'm still gonna make you fuck off in a minute."

Glenn sighed. "Look, I get it. That shit at the mall was fucked up. You guys needed to take a breather, get away from everything for a while." He glanced at Carol, and Maggie was grinning as she looked from Daryl to Carol. Carol rolled her eyes at her. "But Rick's freakin' out, man. He doesn't want to lose you again. You know how important you are to the group. Both of you."

"I don't blame you for hidin' out here," Maggie said, still grinning a little, "but the others are startin' to say it ain't fair, you guys holing up here with runnin' water and stuff while we figure out what to do."

"Who's stoppin' you from movin' into your own house?" Daryl asked. "Any of you?"

"Daryl, you know we always make decisions like that as a group, and we follow Rick's lead," Glenn said.

"Yeah, I know," Daryl answered. "And look where that got us yesterday."

Carol sighed heavily. "We're coming back, Glenn. Don't worry."

Daryl nodded. "Tell Rick we'll head home first thing in the mornin.'" Then he started pushing Glenn toward the door.

"Wait, wait—" Glenn said, but Daryl shook his head and pushed him out. Maggie hurried after him, giving Carol a little wave goodbye.

"Fuck," Daryl muttered, running his hand through his hair. "Why can't they fuckin' leave us alone for a minute?" He locked the door and pushed the couch in front of it, then plopped down on it. "I hope they make it back safe."

Carol sat down beside him and he put his arm around her and held her close. "One more night, huh?" she asked. "Then back to reality."

"Yep."

"Well, this was great while it lasted," she said. "Almost like a normal life, you know?" She looked up at him. "This never would've happened if we'd met back before the walkers, would it?"

Daryl shrugged. "Who knows? Doesn't matter, does it? It's happened now." He pulled her closer and started running his hand up and down her arm. "I want to fuck you on this couch."

"Daryl Dixon. You've gotten downright bold." She giggled a little and inched even closer. "And what's stopping you anyway?"

"I want you to do something for me." She shot him a questioning look. "Put on that dress."

"Dress?"

"Yeah, you know, that dress you liked when we found this place."

She couldn't believe he remembered. She rushed up the stairs and found the dress in the pile of clothes on the floor, where she and Daryl had swept them to gain access to the bed. She hurriedly took off her clothes and slipped it over her head. It was much too big on her, hanging on her tiny frame. She knew she'd lost weight in the last few months. They all had. But this was ridiculous. She took a look in the mirror and gathered the material behind her to pull it tighter across her breasts and stomach. She chuckled at herself. "Oh well," she sighed. She slipped off her underwear underneath the dress. At least that would be a nice surprise for him, even if she didn't look so great in the dress. He would like the low cut in the front, anyway. She headed down the stairs, feeling silly. She'd never really dressed up for anyone before. Heck, she hadn't dressed up at all in years. She'd even stopped wearing nice dresses to church, because Ed always told her she looked like a slut. She'd worn plain pants and boring blouses and tried to disappear into the background, and it had worked. This dress, however, was not for someone who wanted to disappear.

"Holy shit," he muttered when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Come on, Daryl," she said, rolling her eyes. "It doesn't even fit."

He shook his head. "I don't care. You're beautiful." She blushed, and almost believed him. "You're always beautiful, but right now. . ." He stood up and took her hands, planting a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. She'd never felt more feminine, more desired.

"Will you do something else for me?" he asked.

"Anything," she said. "You know that."

"I want to hear you play that piano again."

Carol's smile faded. "But you—"

"No. I won't change my mind about anything. Don't worry."

She smoothed her skirt under her as she sat down, and a memory of her first piano recital when she was eight years old came into her mind. She'd been so nervous, and she'd just known she would screw it up. But she didn't. So many things were fucked up in her life, but Carol's fingers always knew how to hit the keys to make something beautiful.

Today was no different. Carol launched into a sonatina she'd learned ages ago. She couldn't even remember the composer – Purcell, maybe? It wasn't too difficult, but it was delicate and pretty and perfect, and Carol managed to remember every note. When she reached the end, she closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. Daryl stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders. He allowed one hand to slip inside her neckline, cupping her breast gently. He bent to press his lips against her neck. "God, I love your neck," he murmured, and she turned her head to give him access. He licked and kissed and sucked her there, his hand stroking her breast, until she finally turned and pressed her mouth to his. He lifted her to her feet and led her to the couch. He sat down and she lowered herself to straddle him, and his hands slid under her skirt. When he discovered that she wasn't wearing underwear, he grunted and pulled her closer. Carol wondered if he could feel how hot and wet she already was. She reached down and quickly unfastened his pants, taking his cock in her hands. He gasped and grabbed her hips, lifting her up a bit. She slid down on him, taking him all the way in. He panted as his hands tightened on her hips and he began to thrust upward, pushing his cock as far inside her as possible, filling her completely. She moved her hips in little circles, grinding against him. She arched her back and threw her head back as his hands moved up to her breasts. He slid them inside her neckline again, but this time he roughly tore the bodice of her dress, ripping it open and burying his face in her breasts as he continued to fuck her. He growled and nipped at her skin, then seized her hips again and flipped her onto her back on the couch, keeping his cock buried deep inside her. She spread her legs wide, taking him even deeper in. She could barely catch her breath before his mouth was on hers, his tongue pushing in. He was like an animal. He couldn't get enough of her. She wrapped her legs around his back and lifted her hips to match his thrusts until she came, crying out into his mouth. He bit her lip as his orgasm followed hers, then he collapsed onto her and buried his face in her neck.

He looked up at her with a smile, but it quickly faded when he saw the blood on her lip. "Carol, no. . . you're bleeding. Did I do that to you?" He sat up and pulled her into his lap, gently wiping the blood from her lip with a fingertip. "God, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was too rough."

Carol laughed. "Daryl, please don't apologize for what just happened. That was fucking amazing."

"You're fucking amazing," he whispered. "I've always thought you were."

"Really?" She pulled back and looked at him. "Since when?"

"Since forever. I used to watch you in that camp, watch how you were with. . . with Sophia." He looked at her shyly, gauging her reaction to her daughter's name. "You were such a good mother. So nice to everybody too. I wanted to kill your husband. I really did. I would've too, if that walker hadn't beat me to it."

"Why?"

"That's what I do when I love something," he said, looking down. "Protect it."

Carol's heart jumped, but she tried to control her breathing. He had just said he loved her, right? He'd said it indirectly, but she was astonished that he'd had any feeling for her at all back in those days in the camp, when they all barely knew each other and she'd been more concerned about keeping Ed away from Sophia than anything else.

"You know what I do when I love something?" she asked him, pressing her lips to his. "I give myself completely. I'm yours, Daryl. Completely yours."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Just a little reminder disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or its characters, obviously, and I don't own the poem I've used in this chapter either ("When You Are Old" by William Butler Yeats). No infringement intended.**

Carol dreaded falling asleep. She knew that when they woke up they would head back to the rest of the group and this glorious time together would end. Daryl seemed like he wanted them to stay close, but Carol wasn't sure how that was going to work when they were back with the others. Would Daryl feel comfortable with everyone knowing they were sleeping together? It made Carol feel awkward, but she would deal with that as it came. He was certainly worth any awkwardness they had to go through.

While Daryl checked to make sure all the windows and doors were secure before they turned in for the night, Carol browsed the bookshelves in the living room. She loved reading but had hardly ever had time for it, with motherhood and Ed's demands. She pulled out a poetry anthology and flipped through it. Daryl came over to see what she was holding. "Poetry?" He wrinkled his nose a bit.

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it," she said, bumping his shoulder with hers. "I had this great English teacher in high school. I didn't care about books or poetry or anything like that much until him. He made it come alive somehow."

Daryl smirked. "So you had a crush on him?"

Carol rolled her eyes. "No. He was just a great teacher. Probably the only good teacher I ever had growing up."

Daryl shook his head. "I didn't have any. They all treated me like trash." She looked up at him. He didn't seem affected by it, but she knew that his teachers' treatment of him was just one more wound that had made him the damaged person he was now. She loved him, wounds and all, and though she hated anyone who had ever hurt him, she also silently thanked them for making him strong and beautiful.

"Well, Mr. Fuller didn't treat anybody like trash," she continued, flipping through the pages. "I even remember the poem that really got me. It was by Yeats, and it stayed with me for years. I haven't thought about it in a while, though…"

Daryl stepped a little closer. "You think it's in there?"

"Oh, you're interested in poetry now?"

"I'm interested in what you like," he said, and her heart gave a little leap. She wondered if she would ever get used to his attention, to kind words from him.

"Here it is," she said when she found the title in the index. He gave a nod, indicating that she should read it.

She cleared her throat and began:

"When you are old and gray and full of sleep

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep.

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true;

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

And bending down beside the glowing bars

Murmur a little sadly, how love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars."

He chuckled. "That sounds nice, but I'm not going to pretend it makes a whole lot of sense to me."

"No, it didn't to me either at first," she said, "but that one line got me: 'one man loved the pilgrim soul in you.' My little tenth grade heart just pounded at that line. I thought about it all the time, this notion that someone would come along and love my 'pilgrim soul.'"

"What does that mean? Pilgrim soul?"

"Lots of people think it means a lot of different things, but I always thought of the word pilgrim meaning somebody who wanders, somebody looking for a home. So he loves the truest part of her, the restless part that can't settle down. I always felt like I had that kind of soul, you know?"

"Did that teacher love your pilgrim soul?" he asked, flaring his nostrils a little.

"Daryl, are you jealous of my English teacher from more than twenty years ago?" she giggled. He shrugged, and she rested her hand on his forearm. "Daryl. Surely you've figured out by now that my pilgrim soul stopped wandering when I met you."

He looked down, shaking his head. "I never thought anybody would say somethin' like that to me."

Carol put her hand on his jaw to lift his face until he was looking at her. "You are the best man I've ever known. I'm not saying that because I'm in love with you. It's just true. You're kind, strong, smart, and brave, and anyone who ever made you feel otherwise was dumber than a drooling walker."

He gave a little smile, then his eyes drifted to her mouth. He drew closer to her and let their lips meet softly. Her mouth opened slightly and his tongue slid along her bottom lip. Carol's heart was in her throat. Had she really just told him that she was in love with him? He didn't seem to be scared by her declaration. On the contrary, he was deepening their kiss, tightening his grip on her waist, and breathing more heavily by the moment. "Are you tired?" he asked softly, when they pulled apart for a second.

"A little," she answered. "Do you want to go to bed?"

He nodded, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs. When they reached their bedroom, he shot her a shy glance. "Do you want to sleep? Or can I show you how much I love your pilgrim soul?"

They both laughed and took their time removing each other's clothes. This time their lovemaking was different. Slower, gentler. Daryl stroked every inch of her body with his fingertips, making her skin sing. He spent ages simply kissing her neck. When he finally entered her, he did so agonizingly slowly, pressing the tip of his cock just inside her entrance and waiting, looking into her eyes. Carol couldn't help thinking about how difficult it had been to get him to make eye contact when they were simply talking at camp or at Hershel's farm. Now he couldn't stop looking at her. His cock slid into her warm, wet center inch by inch, and when he was fully buried inside her, he closed his eyes and kissed her. She moaned into his mouth, slowly wrapping her legs around him and pulling him as deeply into her body as possible. Their bodies rocked together slowly until finally he changed the angle of his thrusts and the pressure of his lower abdomen created just the right friction for her release. As soon as she came, he too found his release, murmuring her name into her ear.

Carol woke from the most peaceful sleep of her life to find Daryl standing at the window, staring out into the night. He'd put on his pants and a sleeveless shirt.

"Is everything ok? Is it a walker?" She sat up, startled.

"No, we're ok," he said, not turning from the window.

"Why are you dressed?"

"I just thought I heard something out there, but I checked it out and there's nothing."

The moon was shining brightly into the window. "Are you coming back to bed?" Carol asked.

"I was just thinkin'."

Carol's heart jumped. Was he having a change of heart, especially now that it was time for them to rejoin the group? "About what?"

"Merle."

"Oh. Daryl. . ." Carol wasn't sure what to say. She wanted him to be able to talk to her about what happened with Merle, but she didn't want him to feel pressured. She reached out her hand to him, but he didn't take it. He looked out the window again.

"I killed him."

"You said he was bitten."

"That's right. He was bitten, but he shouldn't have been."

"Daryl, nobody _should_ be bitten."

Daryl looked at her apologetically. "That's not what I mean. It ain't the same as what happened to your little girl. I always said nobody could kill Merle but Merle, and that's how it shoulda been."

"What happened?" She finally dared to ask.

Daryl was quiet for a long moment. "He was weak. Starvin.' He'd been out on his own for a long time. He said he'd been with a little group for a while but they'd all got taken out by a herd. He got away before the walkers could get him and never did find any survivors from his group. He'd been on the road by himself ever since. He had this big knife hooked onto his arm, where he'd cut off that hand. He'd killed a thousand walkers with that thing. He'd turned even harder than he was before, and Merle was already the toughest bastard ever walked the earth."

He was silent again, and Carol cleared her throat. "Was he. . .was he glad to see you?"

Daryl shook his head. "He was pissed. Couldn't believe I hadn't found him before, that I was still with Rick and T-Dog after they left him up on that roof. I tried to get him to come back to the group with me, told him we had food, told him we were safe when we were all together. He wouldn't have none of it. He said ain't nobody would ever love me but him. Said if I was any kinda brother I wouldn't ever leave him again."

"So you didn't."

"I didn't. And I mighta stayed with him forever, Carol." He looked at her then, measuring the impact of his words. She felt a tear fall but didn't bother to wipe it away. "He was my brother. I don't know how to explain it."

"You don't have to."

"When the walkers came, we just weren't ready. We'd been wanderin' around for days, tryin' to hunt but not comin' up with much. I was still tryin' to convince him to come back with me, but he shut me up every time I brought it up. We were weak, hungry, tired. One of 'em came up behind me while I was shootin' at another one, and while I was fightin' him off, I saw Merle go down. I couldn't get to him in time. I got the walker off of him but it was too late. He'd bit him in the neck, real bad. I almost wanted to take him back to Hershel, see what he could do. But I could see it in his eyes, just like with Dale. There wasn't no comin' back from that."

"So you put him down." It wasn't a question.

"No," he said. "I killed him."

"Daryl, it's not the same thing—"

"No, it is the same thing. I killed him when I let him go to Atlanta with those fools without taggin' along. I killed him when I went back to look for him and didn't keep goin' until I found him. I killed him when I didn't drag his sorry ass back to Rick and make him safe." His voice broke on the last word, and he put his head in his hands.

"You did everything you could. You loved him," she said simply. She held her hand out to him again. This time he took it and knelt beside the bed, putting his head in her lap. She held him while he sobbed, and without a word he crawled back under the covers with her and fell asleep.

In the morning light, they quietly packed their few belongings and locked up the house behind them, ready to rejoin the group. On his motorcycle, Carol rested her head against his back and clung tightly to him, wondering what they would face next.


	15. Chapter 15

On the short ride across the neighborhood, Carol found herself wishing she'd asked Daryl to just stay in that house with her forever. Maybe they could have survived on their own. But she knew if he'd tried to get Merle back to the group for safety there's no way he would try to make it with just Carol. It was fine as long as the houses were safe, but there was no guarantee they would be safe for long. There was nothing stopping a herd from taking over the neighborhood, and they would be much safer with the rest of the group if that happened. Carol knew Daryl could protect her, but she certainly couldn't return the favor. Not yet. She couldn't put him in danger by asking him to stay with her and her alone. Besides, if he wanted to do it, then they would still be there. Daryl had his reasons for going back to the group, not the least of which was probably a sense of duty. Daryl really was a man of honor. Carol knew he felt a loyalty to the group that he'd probably never felt for anything else in his life, and she understood. She felt bound to Lori and Rick, to Glenn, T-Dog, Andrea, to Hershel and his girls. She even felt a certain closeness to the quiet, mysterious Michonne after the last few weeks. She could never leave Carl behind, and the baby growing in Lori's belly almost seemed like he or she was Carol's child as well. They had become a family. They wouldn't replace her daughter, and as difficult as Merle had been they wouldn't replace him either, but they were a new kind of family for Carol and Daryl, and she couldn't imagine abandoning them.

Rick was waiting for them, tapping his fingers on the kitchen table and scowling. Carol couldn't help feeling like she'd stayed out past curfew and was about to get grounded, and it pissed her off a little. Rick might be their leader, but they were adults.

"Are you two done playin' house?" Rick asked in a level voice.

"You think you're our daddy now?" Daryl asked, setting his crossbow in the corner and crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's not what this is and you know it," Rick said, flaring his nostrils a bit. "What happened in the mall was. . ."

"Yeah, the mall I told you we shouldn't go to," Daryl muttered.

"You were right," Rick said. "Is that what you want to hear? Look, I knew there were risks at the mall. There are risks everywhere. That's my point. We can't split up the group again. You already left us once."

Daryl nodded, stayed quiet. Apparently he had decided to let Rick say his piece, to hear him out. Carol took a seat at the table. "Rick, we just wanted some time to—"

"Time to what, Carol?" He turned to her, his eyes wide. "Time to snuggle up in a little love nest? Must be nice. The rest of us have been here dealing with Hershel, Lori's been sick. . ."

"Oh god, Hershel." Carol covered her mouth with her hand. She'd actually forgotten about Hershel's leg. She glanced at Daryl, who was looking at her through narrowed eyes. How had they allowed themselves to forget what happened to Hershel? "How is he?" she asked Rick.

"He's ok now. Maggie and Glenn went on a run and found a pair of crutches for him at that pharmacy down the road. They're not exactly the right height but they'll work. He's not up and about much yet, though. Beth's pretty shaken by it."

"And Beth hasn't had time to tend to her father." This was from Andrea, who had just entered the room and stood in the doorway, hands on hips, glaring at Carol. "With you gone, she's been getting the meals ready and taking care of Lori."

"I'm sorry, I –"

"You should be sorry," Andrea continued. "It was irresponsible of you two to run off like that."

"Fuck off, Andrea," Daryl said. "Carol's not the only one who can take care of people around here. Maybe you could take care of somebody besides yourself for once."

Andrea stared at him, openmouthed. "I take my turns on watch, Daryl. I keep everyone safe." Daryl scoffed, rolled his eyes. Carol suppressed a smile, happy that he'd taken up for her. She did feel some guilt for leaving but Andrea was being ridiculous. Beth wouldn't have had so many chores that she couldn't spend time at her father's bedside. Carol had only been gone one full day, after all.

"How is Lori?" she asked Rick, ignoring Andrea's glare.

"She hasn't been feeling well," said Rick. "Just tired all the time. The baby moves constantly, won't let her sleep. She's craving meat again real strong." He glanced at Daryl, who nodded. He'd be off on a hunt soon, which made Carol's heart pound. The thought of him out there alone, in danger, was more than she could stand. She knew she would have to get used to it, but after the last two nights it would be harder than ever. Daryl picked up his crossbow and left the room, ignoring Andrea as she stared after him. Surely he wasn't going hunting now, without a word to Carol? She tried to brush off the thought and focus on Lori.

"I'm going up to check on her," she said. "Should I take anything up as I go?"

"I was about to take her this water," Rick said, handing Carol a bottle. He clapped his hand onto her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "I'm glad you're back."

Andrea sighed heavily, turned, and walked away. Carol didn't understand why she was so upset about her and Daryl being gone, but she didn't want to think about it now. She needed to make sure Lori was ok.

Lori was lying in the bed flipping through a very old magazine. When she looked up and saw Carol in the doorway, her face lit up and she held out her arms. Carol moved into them and gave her a gentle hug. "I'm so glad to see you, Carol," Lori said, and Carol could tell her words were genuine.

"You're not angry like everyone else?"

"Oh god no," Lori said, waving the idea away with her hand. "If anybody deserves some time away, it's you and Daryl. After everything you two do for us, I just. . . well, I told Rick I thought it would do you both some good and that he should leave you alone about it." She gave Carol a sly smile. "How was it?"

Carol wrinkled her nose. "I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet."

Lori nodded and started flipping through the magazine again. "Well, thanks for checking on me."

"Lori, don't be upset. . ."

Lori looked up and shrugged. "I'm not upset. I guess I was just hoping to live vicariously through you. I certainly don't have anything exciting going on right now." She looked around the room. Carol knew she was bored since Hershel had pretty much confined her to her bed as much as possible.

"Lori, you've got a baby growing inside you," Carol said softly. "A beautiful little boy or girl, and I can't wait to meet them. I know this isn't the best world to bring a child into, but I think we can do our best to be happy about that new life." She placed a hand on Lori's growing belly and smiled at her friend. "I can't talk about Daryl because it's just too new. It took a long time to get him to show that he feels anything. If I talk about it or make him feel pressured to acknowledge it, I'm afraid he'll scurry back into his hole, you know?" She chuckled, imagining Daryl as one of the squirrels he hunted, furtively scampering about, escaping emotions. Lori joined her in her laughter, placing a hand over Carol's on her stomach.

"It's good to see you with a smile on your face, Carol," Lori said.

Carol sat with Lori for a while longer, trying to keep Lori's mind off the aches and pains of pregnancy and trying to keep her own mind off what Daryl must be thinking now. She was trying to just enjoy the afterglow of their amazing two nights together for as long as she could before she had to face the reality of what things would be like between them now. Would they have time together, even if he wanted things to stay the same?

Carol tried to keep herself busy looking after Lori and tending to Hershel's needs.

Daryl stayed gone the entire day and night, and when he returned late the following morning he crashed onto the couch and fell asleep without a word to anyone. He'd brought back a deer, skinned it, and prepared it for cooking. Everyone was excited to have venison for dinner, especially Lori, but Carol was worried about how tired Daryl looked. He must have decided to stay away until he could bring back some good meat for Lori. If Carol had ever had any question about his loyalty to the group and his desire to stay with them, his dedication to providing for them had erased it.

They cooked the meat in the fireplace until the smell of it nearly drove them wild with hunger. They'd found food in the houses, but nothing compared to freshly cooked meat, and their bodies craved protein. Carol tried to enjoy the meal, but she couldn't keep her eyes off Daryl. She watched his hands as he lifted the food to his mouth. She thought about his hands on her body, wondering if she would feel them again soon. He glanced at her, catching her staring at him, and she blushed. He peered at her through narrowed eyes, chewing his bottom lip. He inclined his head slightly, glancing pointedly at the bathroom door. She excused herself and headed for the bathroom.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was slightly red, still flushed from when he caught her staring at him. A few minutes passed, and then the door opened and Daryl slipped into the bathroom to stand behind her. His arms moved around her waist and he bent to kiss her ear. Her eyes closed as she threw her head back and lifted her arm behind her to run her hand through his hair. "Missed you," he murmured into her ear.

She met his eyes in the mirror. "You disappeared again."

"This was different and you know it," he said, flipping her around to face him. "Just kiss me, woman." And so she did, as his strong arms enveloped her and his hands rubbed her back.

"I want you," she whispered against his lips. "It's driving me crazy."

"I know, me too," he said, sliding his hands under her shirt to touch the bare, smooth skin of her back.

She hesitated for a moment, then decided she didn't care anymore about feeling embarrassed or shy. She slipped a hand into his pants and wrapped her hand around his already hard cock. "Daryl, I need you inside me right now."

He hissed when her hand squeezed him. "Here?" he whispered.

She nodded, unzipping her pants and stepping out of them quickly. He grabbed the waistband of her panties and tore them roughly, letting them fall away from her body. He propped her on the sink and used his hands to spread her legs wide. He looked down at her, his eyes blazing, and licked his lower lip. Carol wondered if he was thinking about tasting her, and the thought made her shiver. She was already dripping wet, desperate to be filled by him. He wasted no time, freeing his cock from his clothes and pushing it against her entrance. "Are you ready?" he asked huskily. Instead of answering, she braced herself with her hands and lifted her hips to push herself forward, taking him inside her. He grabbed her hips and gave a few thrusts before the pressure of her hot, wet folds clenching his cock sent him over the edge. He came hard inside her, pressing his mouth against her neck to keep himself quiet. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"No. God, don't worry about it," she soothed him, as he slipped out of her and stepped back with a shy smile. "It's not like we have a lot of time in here, right?"

"We have enough time. Fuck them." He nodded at the door.

He lifted her tank and bent his head to her nipple. She was thankful she'd skipped a bra today. Her nipple tightened and hardened almost painfully as he teased it with his tongue. He slid his thumb up and down her wet slit, making her clit throb. He sucked her nipples and slid his fingers in and out of her, brushing against her clit just enough to make her crazy, until finally she came, shuddering against him, covering her mouth with a hand so that she wouldn't cry out. He wrapped his arms around her again and held her close against him while she recovered her breath.

"If this is all we can have, I'll take it," he muttered against her forehead. "But I miss our bed."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter posted, and I apologize that it's mostly exposition and not action/dialogue. I'm sort of breaking the very important "show, don't tell" writing rule (I used to teach Creative Writing – I told my students that rule all the time!), but I kind of needed a placeholder chapter here. I know where I'm going with this (for the next couple of chapters, anyway), but I needed this chapter to get there. I hope it's still enjoyable! Please keep the reviews coming – I love hearing from those of you who are reading my story. **

_Bliss_. In her life before the walkers had destroyed the world, Carol had never truly known happiness. She'd been happy when she was with Sophia, but her happiness was always colored by a fear of what Ed might do to both of them. She'd certainly never expected to find any kind of happiness again after Sophia's death. What she found with Daryl in the next few weeks, however, was beyond anything she'd ever hoped for. They still lived with a constant fear of attack, they still struggled to survive, and they still had to deal with the annoyances of making a life with the others in their group. But they had each other, in a way she'd never imagined.

Rick finally caved in and made the decision that everyone would move to the new houses with running water. Carol was overjoyed, especially when she and Daryl claimed their bedroom. Maggie and Glenn took another bedroom in the same house, and Andrea rolled her eyes and made a snide comment to Michonne about lovebirds shacking up. Andrea, Michonne, and T-Dogg took the next house. Rick, Lori, and Carl shared another house with Hershel and Beth. They were more spread out now, but everyone agreed that was what they needed. They were tired of being on top of each other, of sleeping on couches and floors. These houses had running water and plenty of room, and they hadn't seen a walker in the neighborhood in several weeks. They were beginning to almost feel safe, but they stayed vigilant and made sure that someone was on watch at all times.

Since the walkers had first started appearing, in those early days when Carol thought her life would surely end any moment, she had always dreaded the night. Darkness meant a heightened level of fear, after spending the daylight hours terrified out of her mind already. But now Carol couldn't help looking forward to nightfall. All day, while working on making their home nice, while doing laundry, while looking after Lori, Carl, and Hershel, Carol counted the minutes. Night meant being close to Daryl, sleeping next to him, making love to him, letting him hold her. Their bedroom was more than a refuge: it was heaven.

"Did you ever love anybody?" she asked him one night. "In your life before?" She was lying half on top of him, his arms wrapped around her and her head on his chest. She looked up to see him shaking his head.

"Nah."

"No one? Ever?"

"There were women," he said. "Girls. They didn't mean nothin.' And there weren't many. I didn't have much time for stuff like that."

"What were you spending your time on?" she asked, idly stroking his chest.

"Survivin,' I guess."

"Well," she said, looking up at him again, "I'm glad you survived."

He smiled down at her, then lifted her up a bit so he could kiss her softly. She wanted to know more, but she was careful not to push him for too much information at once. She was gradually getting to know him better. She tried not to think about the fact that they might not have much time together, that in this world no time at all was guaranteed. Their current safety felt permanent, but Carol knew that was unlikely. She planned to enjoy it as long as possible, however, and part of that was allowing herself to believe that she and Daryl had their entire futures to be together. She didn't fool herself into believing that he was thinking the same way. Daryl had probably always lived in the moment out of necessity. She couldn't imagine him breaking the habit now. Not Carol, though. She'd never lived in the moment. She'd always planned ahead, hoped for a better day. Now that it was here, she was trying to fully experience it. She never could have imagined that she would find happiness after the world had gone crazy, when death was everywhere, touching everything, even her own daughter. Even with Daryl, she could never be completely happy without her Sophia. Sometimes, late at night, they talked about her a little. Daryl asked questions about her, wanting to know more about what she was like. Carol could see that he would never forgive himself for not finding her, no matter how many times she thanked him for looking. So she answered his questions, even when it was painful to talk about her. She shared memories of Sophia as a baby, as a sweet little toddler. She gave Daryl a picture of Sophia that was all happiness and light and left out the fear she and her daughter had shared because of Ed. Daryl knew all about that anyway. Some nights he held her while she cried for her daughter, and he cried for her too. Carol knew he was also crying for Merle, the only family he had, and maybe a bit for the mother he'd lost as a young child. She didn't force him to talk about any of it.

With Daryl, Carol got to know a side of herself that she'd never brought out before. She'd known it was in there, somewhere, but now she had a reason to unleash her sexual side without embarrassment or shame. Daryl's attention to her body allowed Carol to finally discover what she really liked, what made her feel good, what she liked doing to him. She'd had orgasms before Daryl, of course, but they'd mostly been on her own. Daryl may not have had much experience with women before, and Carol certainly had very little experience trying to please a man, but together it felt easy. They'd known how to make each other feel good from their first touch. Maybe that was because they'd waited so long to act on their attraction to each other and the tension had built up so much that any contact provided release. Regardless, she knew what they had together was good, and rare. Andrea and Rick were both right with their "lovebird" and "love nest" comments about the house Daryl and Carol shared with Maggie and Glenn. The younger couple couldn't get enough of each other either, but all four of them were still responsible members of the group.

Carol had begun working with Michonne and Andrea to learn how to better defend herself against walkers, and though she still feared she was a weak link, she knew she was in fact growing stronger. She wanted to be both strong and useful. Carol was serving as a sort of apprentice lately to Hershel, learning how to take care of the group's medical needs and making every effort to learn how to assist with Lori's childbirth. She was nervous about that, but she was more than willing to assist. She was the only person present besides Lori who had ever had experience giving birth, after all. Sophia's birth was in a hospital, though, with drugs and an OB, not a natural birth with a veterinarian attending. Poor Lori.

Carol had also started teaching Beth how to play the piano, and she was learning quickly. Many evenings, everyone gathered in their house and listened while Beth sang and Carol played. Carol could feel Daryl's eyes on her the whole time, and she often had difficulty focusing on the music because all she could think about was what they would be doing in bed later. She'd never known it was possible to feel so much desire, to want someone so much that he consumed your every thought. For several weeks they didn't even have an argument, as hotheaded as they both could be. She wondered how long it would be before she did something to piss Daryl off, and her answer came when she did something that nearly got her killed.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: This chapter didn't go exactly how I thought it would, but I'm posting it anyway! I'm continuing the experiment of writing this as it comes to me without doing any sort of real planning, and it's so much fun! Thanks so much to those of you who have stuck with the story, and especially if you have taken the time to add a comment or review. I live for your comments, seriously! So here's a chapter with a bit of annoying Andrea, some walker action, and a little smut to cap it all off.**

The first walker was easy to kill. A straight chop across the skull and down he went. Carol didn't even feel the usual panic when he approached her. Part of that was because she knew Michonne was standing right beside her with her sword ready, but she had also grown a lot more confident in her skills with the machete she'd found in the garage of Rick and Lori's house. Michonne had shown her just how to swing it with the right amount of force, and Carol was getting stronger every day. She didn't know if she was entirely ready to test her skills, but when Michonne and Andrea invited her to go on a run to a little strip mall no one had checked out yet, Carol knew this might be a chance to prove her worth. She knew Daryl wouldn't approve of her going on a dangerous mission without him, but she had to start taking care of herself and not depend on him or anyone else so much. Besides, she hadn't known whether or not they would run into any walkers anyway. She decided it was best not to tell Daryl she was going, so when he got up early in the morning for his hunt, she pretended to be asleep rather than having to lie to his face about her plans for the day. She felt a little guilty when she felt the soft kiss he planted on her forehead before he left.

Ostensibly, the purpose of their run was to restock their medicine and first aid supplies and to see if they could find any baby stuff for Lori. But Andrea and Michonne made it very clear to Carol that if they ran into trouble, they expected her to hold her own. She'd worked with both of them to develop her strength and confidence, but she'd spent more time with Michonne. She had begun to feel a little awkward around Andrea, because she seemed so unhappy all the time. Carol wondered if Andrea resented her for leaving her behind at the farm after she'd saved her life, but she was afraid to bring it up.

At the strip mall, they parked the car and cautiously got out, holding their weapons at the ready. The coast seemed clear, so they headed for the pharmacy to load their bags with whatever painkillers and first aid items they could find. They picked up some toothpaste, soap, and razors as well, and Carol was thrilled to find a few packs of newborn diapers and a pacifier. Two doors down from the pharmacy was a liquor store, which had been almost completely looted.

"Of course people take the liquor first, right?" Andrea said, shaking her head and smiling.

They found a couple of bottles of red wine and a bottle of vodka tucked under the counter, and Michonne stuffed those into her bag. "Maybe we'll have a little party tonight," she said, and all three women laughed. As their laughter faded, they heard a thump from the back of the store. Each woman slowly pulled out her weapon. Carol had her machete, Andrea carried a gun in one hand and a knife in the other, and Michonne had her sword. They locked eyes with one another and instinctively crouched down a little as they slowly made their way to the source of the sound.

It was a female walker, snarling and snapping her teeth and heading straight for Michonne. Michonne took her out easily, slicing her head off in one clean, smooth move. Two more walkers appeared then, and Michonne made a motion with her hand to signal that they should leave through the front door. Clearly the walkers were coming in through the back door and there was no way to know how many would follow. The front was still clear.

"No," Andrea hissed, with half a smile on her face. "This is Carol's chance to get some real experience. Come on, let's clear the store."

"Why?" Michonne whispered. "There's nothing here anyway. Let's go!"

Carol was frozen, looking from Michonne to Andrea while trying to also keep an eye on the two walkers headed for them. While the other two bickered, Carol took that straight chop to one walker's head and watched him go down. She couldn't help smiling at how easy it was.

"See?" Andrea said. "She's got this. Take the other one, Carol."

Carol widened her stance and waited for the next walker, a tall, broad man in overalls. While she watched him approach, two more walkers headed toward Andrea and Michonne. She glanced their way to see them start their own fights, and in that brief moment when her eyes left the big walker, he charged toward her, knocking her off her feet and sending the machete flying out of her grasp. Carol felt the wind knocked out of her as she landed on her back with the walker pinning her down. She recovered just in time to hold him off at arms' length. He growled and snapped at her, and she knew she couldn't hold him off long. He was too strong for her. She screamed for help, and Andrea rushed over.

"Come on, Carol, you've got this!" Andrea yelled. "You can take this asshole!"

"Help me!" Carol screeched, pulling her leg up under the walker to push him off a bit more with her knee. She turned her head to the side, trying to make herself as small as possible, wishing she could push herself down into the floor, and she saw a broken whiskey bottle lying on its side on the shelf next to her. She let go of the walker's shoulder with her right hand to reach for the bottle, allowing him to fall closer to her face, then she managed to push the bottle between them and force it upward into his eye. His blood splattered all over her face and she closed her eyes and mouth tight. As soon as her eyes closed, she felt his weight lift off her. When she felt bold enough to look, she saw that Michonne had pulled him off her and was tossing him to the side, then stabbing him in the head with her sword.

Michonne pulled Carol up from the floor and handed her her machete. "Let's get out of here," she said.

When they got to the car, Carol crawled into the back seat and curled up on her side, sobbing. Michonne turned to Andrea in the front seat and yelled, "What the fuck was that back there?"

"What the fuck was what?"

"Why didn't you help her? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Andrea looked incredulous. "Are you kidding me? She was fine. She has to learn how to defend herself, even in sticky situations."

"How many times have I helped you when you needed it?" Michonne asked, fuming. "Defending yourself doesn't mean you have to always do it on your own. She needed _help_."

Andrea scoffed. "I knew she could get out of it. See, that's the problem. Everybody else thinks she's weak, but I have more faith in her."

Carol was tired of hearing them talk about her like she wasn't even there. "Shut up, both of you," she said in a quiet, controlled voice. "Just take me home."

Carol hoped Daryl wouldn't be home yet, so she could clean up and he wouldn't have to know what had happened. She couldn't wait to get the walker's blood off her anyway, but she knew if Daryl saw it he would flip. She hoped Andrea and Michonne weren't stupid enough to clue him in. When they got to her house, no one was there. Andrea said, "We'll stay until Daryl gets home so you won't have to be alone."

Carol wasn't sure why Andrea was suddenly being nice after she'd nearly got them all killed, but at the moment she didn't care. "Whatever," she mumbled as she headed up the stairs to the bathroom. She'd managed to clean about half the blood off her face when she heard Daryl's voice downstairs. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but she assumed he would figure out something had happened since Andrea and Michonne were covered in blood and grime as well. She heard his footsteps pounding up the stairs and a second later the bathroom door flew open. As soon as he saw the blood on her skin and clothes, he roared, "What. The. FUCK!" and rushed back out and down the stairs. She didn't know whether to run after him or not. She decided she should get completely cleaned up before he saw her again – the sight of her would only make him angrier.

As Carol cleaned up and changed clothes, she listened to Daryl yelling at Andrea and Michonne below. She left the bathroom door open and Daryl was screaming, so she could hear every word now.

"You tell me what the fuck happened RIGHT NOW!" he demanded.

"Daryl, calm down," Andrea said. "Everyone's fine. You should be proud of Carol. She took care of herself today."

"Fuck you, Andrea," he said. "You tell me what happened." Carol imagined he must have turned to Michonne.

"We went on a run to that little strip mall—"

"The one we haven't checked out yet?"

"Yeah, Daryl," Andrea said. "_We_ were there to check it out. We're perfectly capable-"

"Fuck that, just tell me what happened."

"We picked up some supplies and then went into a liquor store and there were a few walkers," Andrea continued. "It wasn't a big deal. Carol did great with her machete. She just had a big guy who knocked her down and—"

"Knocked her _down_? Where the fuck were you two?" Daryl was yelling again, and Carol wondered just how scary he looked at the moment. "Do you have anything to say about this?"

Carol heard Michonne's quiet voice. "Carol defended herself. She's alive. You can't protect her all the time." Clearly Michonne wasn't going to sell Andrea out by telling Daryl what had really happened.

"Andrea, you need to get over your fuckin' anger," Daryl said, a little more calmly. "It's makin' you do stupid shit. It sounds to me like you put Carol in danger."

"She's _fine_," Andrea insisted.

"You're mad," Daryl continued. "You're mad Shane's dead and you don't have a man. Hell, you're mad he was Lori's anyway. You're mad we left you behind. I wanted to go back for you, but that don't even matter. You're mad Carol's been protected by the group all this time and you haven't. You're mad at yourself for needin' protection. If you put her in danger again, you're gonna need protection from me. You got that?"

Carol heard Daryl coming up the stairs as Andrea said, "What the fuck is his problem?"

Michonne answered, "He's right. You _are_ mad. You're so mad you can't see straight. Don't you ever put anybody in danger again." The front door slammed. A moment later it slammed again, and Carol knew they were both gone.

"Carol, this is fucked up," Daryl said when he entered the bedroom. He kept his eyes on the floor. "What were you doin' goin' on a run with them? What were you thinkin'?"

"I was thinking I need to start taking care of myself, contributing more."

He raised his eyes to hers then, chewing his bottom lip. "You contribute plenty. You can't do dangerous shit like this, Carol. Don't fuckin' do this to me."

Carol crossed the room to Daryl and placed her hand on his cheek. "I didn't do this to you, Daryl. I did it for me." He shook her hand off and turned away from her. "Daryl, come on. . .I'm ok. . ."

"This time!" he yelled. He grabbed her shoulders, shaking her a little. "You can't do shit like this, Carol! I won't let you!"

"Let go of me, Daryl," she said calmly. She'd had enough of being manhandled in her life, and she wouldn't put up with it now.

He let go immediately. "I ain't gonna hurt you, Carol. You know that. You're the one hurtin' me."

"I don't mean to hurt you," she said softly, stepping closer to him again. "I just want to be. . . stronger. I want to be safe with or without you."

"But aren't you with me?" He looked up at her with sad, confused eyes.

"Of course I'm with you," she said. "That's not what I meant. Daryl, you can't control my every move. You can't be with me every second."

"I'd like to control your every move if it meant keepin' you safe," he said. "Hell, you're mine, ain'tcha?"

"Yes, but I'm mine first."

He ran a hand over his face and sighed. "I don't know what that means."

"You're the first real decision I've ever made on my own. I never made my own choices before, and nobody's taking that away from me. Not even you." She paused, taking a deep breath to stop her tears from falling. "I didn't even choose to be a mother. I was trying to get away from Ed when I found out I was pregnant. And then I didn't know what to do. I was glad when I found out I couldn't have more babies after Sophia. I didn't know how I could protect more than one kid from him. If I knew how to make my own choices, I would've left Ed a long time ago."

Daryl pulled her closer then, leaning his forehead against hers for a moment before pulling back to look at her again. "You don't have to think about that anymore."

"I know," she whispered, her eyes on his mouth.

"You really are mine, though," he said with a little smirk. He ran his thumb over her lips. "This is mine," he said, licking his own lips. She whimpered a little, and he slid his thumb down over her chin, past her throat and between her breasts. "This," he said, sliding his hand between her legs and cupping her there, "is mine. Right?"

She knew he could feel her heat through her jeans. "Yes," she whispered. "Daryl. . ."

"What?" He moved his hand against her, stroking her through her jeans.

"You know what. . ." she said weakly.

"Tell me," he said, his voice husky. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"Daryl, please. . .please fuck me. . ."

"You don't have to beg, Carol," he said, raising his hand to her face. "You never have to beg me. I just wanted to hear you say you want me." He kissed her then, slowly backing her up to the bed. His tongue slid into her mouth, slowly stroking her tongue, and Carol whimpered again, feeling herself growing wetter. She knew he was still a little upset with her for putting herself in danger, and she was still upset that he was too protective. But right now all she could think about was getting their clothes off and taking him inside her.

She let him pull her shirt over her head, then she unhooked and removed her bra while he slid her pants and underwear over her hips. She lay back on the bed and raised her hands over her head, opening her legs a little. He gave a little growling moan at the sight of her, and she watched while he quickly took off his clothes and lowered himself to the bed, propping himself on his elbows above her. She could feel his cock throbbing against her thigh, and she shifted under him, opening her legs wider. "Now, Daryl," she said. "Right now."

Her arms were still above her head, and he raised one hand to grab both of her wrists and hold them there. He thrust his cock into her hard and fast, burying himself deep inside her. She struggled a little to free her hands from his grip, and he held them tighter, then thrust into her even harder. Something about the way he held her in place as he fucked her made it even hotter. She opened her legs a little more and lifted her hips, wanting more. He fucked her harder and faster then, their bodies slamming together and his hand still holding her arms over her head. When he felt her coming on his cock, he held himself still inside her and found his own release. "You're _mine_," he whispered as he released his grip on her wrists and pressed his face into her neck.

"Yours," she agreed, kissing the top of his head and smiling.


	18. Chapter 18

Carol spent most of the next few days with Lori, who was having a hard time with her third trimester. Her small frame struggled to carry the weight of the baby, and any exertion seemed to wear her completely out. She'd recently started having Braxton-Hicks contractions, and she constantly worried that the baby would come too early. Carol tried to keep her company so she could keep her mind off her worries.

"You're sweet to spend all this time with me," Lori said, reaching for Carol's hand.

"Oh, honey, it's not like I have a job to go to or a. . ." She trailed off. She'd nearly said she didn't have a family. Sometimes it hit her like a brick. For so long she'd thought of herself only as Sophia's mother, and now she had to get used to just being Carol.

Lori gave her a small smile. "You mean so much to us, Carol," she said. "To Rick and me, I mean. I know he's gotten kind of. . . hard or. . . or cold. . ."

"No, he's – he's got so much on his mind, Lori. He feels responsible for everyone. It's a heavy burden to bear."

Lori nodded, tears pooling in her eyes. "It's all he thinks about, you know. Keeping everyone safe. He doesn't—" She closed her mouth quickly, shaking her head.

"He doesn't what?"

"Oh, Carol." Lori looked up, letting the tears fall. "I don't think he loves me anymore. He's never going to forgive me."

Lori had never talked to Carol about what happened between her and Rick and Shane. Everyone in the group knew, and Carol had often wondered if Rick or Shane were the baby's father, but she would never have brought it up to Lori. She hoped Rick and Lori could put all that behind them.

"Lori, he will come around," she said firmly. "Of course he will. In this hell of a world we've got, he has his wife, his son, and a new baby on the way. He has to know how blessed he is. And if he doesn't, he'll realize it when he sees that baby's face. Trust me."

Lori nodded, wiping her tears away and attempting a smile. "I hope you're right. You know, he used to look at me the way Daryl looks at you."

Carol laughed. "And how exactly does Daryl look at me?"

"Oh, honey. Like he wants to eat you alive."

As the group stacked more and more days without walker sightings, they all became a little happier, a little lighter. They talked about the future with something resembling hope. They knew that their luck could change any day, that the chances of never seeing another walker were slim to none, but at times they almost believed they could make this neighborhood their permanent home. It was T-Dogg who came up with the idea for the wall.

"Why don't we make this place as safe as we can?" he asked one evening when they were all gathered together for dinner.

"How so?" Rick asked.

"Remember that hardware store we passed about fifteen miles east of here?" T-Dogg asked. "I bet there's lumber there, maybe some tools, building supplies. And there would be more stuff in garages and woodsheds around here. Hell, we could even tear down houses for lumber."

"What exactly are you planning here?" Hershel asked. T-Dogg had everyone's attention now.

"A wall," he answered, looking at Rick. "We build a wall around our houses, and we keep those motherfuckers out."

Rick shook his head. "No. If a herd comes, then we're trapped in."

"It's our wall," T-Dogg said. "We can build it however we want. We make a gate we can drive through if we need an out, maybe two gates. We just need a wall big enough to keep stray walkers on the outside and maybe a perch we can sit on to keep watch. It'll take a long time, but what else are we doing here?" He looked around. "Anybody have some kinda big plans I don't know about?"

Rick chewed his bottom lip, staring at the ground, mulling it over. Daryl stayed silent, his eyes narrowed. Some of the others were nodding and smiling, pleased with the idea.

"I think it's a great idea, T-Dogg," Carol said. "I mean, why not try it?"

"It's a lot of work for nothing if it ends up not protecting us," Rick said.

"Or it keeps us safe and we can stay here as long as we want," said T-Dogg. "We make that gate so we can go out for runs, so we can escape if we need to. It sure won't make us any less safe than we are now, and it might keep those fuckers out. What have we got to lose?"

"We have everything to lose." Andrea was standing now, shaking her head at T-Dogg and glancing at Rick. "This is a pipedream. I'm sorry, T-Dogg, it's a nice idea, but it's a waste of time. What, you're going to have Daryl hammering nails instead of hunting? Rick, you're going to put up boards instead of being on watch? This thing would take years to finish, and what do any of us know about construction? Do you all really think we're going to live here forever?"

After a long pause, Rick said, "We're not going to live anywhere forever, Andrea. The next day, hell, the next _minute_ isn't promised to us. And we'll still be on watch, Daryl will still hunt, everything will be just like before. But we can work on this wall, see how it goes. We'll run out tomorrow and start looking for supplies."

"What do you think about this idea?" Carol asked Daryl as soon as they were in their bedroom alone.

"The wall?" He shrugged. "Could be good, could be a waste of time. Hard to say."

"That's it? You don't have more to say about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow," he said, taking her hand. "Right now I'm tired and I'm dirty and I want to take a bath with you."

"A bath? Won't the water be freezing?"

"They've still got the fire goin' in the fireplace downstairs. I'll run down and heat some water," he said.

When they'd mixed the very hot water with some cold water from the tap and had just the right temperature, Daryl stripped off his clothes and got in the tub. Carol took a moment to just look at him lying there waiting for her. His hand reached out for her, but his eyes were nearly closed, his head laid back. He was beautiful. She took off her clothes and climbed in, sitting between his legs and settling back against him. His cock immediately hardened and pressed into her back. "Whoa," she said, turning around a little. "Put that thing away," she giggled.

Daryl laughed too. "Can't help it," he muttered, pulling her closer.

"This is nice," she said. "I've never taken a bath with someone before. Well, besides when Sophia was little and I had to get in with her when she was scared of the water for a while. I mean, with a man."

"Yeah, I haven't done this either," he said, reaching for the soap. "Hell, everything about you is new to me."

She turned her head to face him. "What do you mean?"

He worked the soap into a lather between his hands. "You're just different from any other woman I've ever known."

She turned back around and leaned against him again. "How so?"

"You're. . . I don't know. Delicate, or something." He used his hands to rub the soap into her shoulders and arms.

"Weak, you mean."

"No," he said quickly. "No, I don't mean that. I didn't say fragile. I said delicate."

"Like, feminine?"

"Yeah," he said, "definitely feminine." He covered her breasts with his hands, using the rough skin of his palms to tease her nipples, which he knew she loved. "All the girls I knew before were. . .you know. . ."

"Slutty? Skanky?"

Daryl laughed. "Somethin' like that."

She turned to face him again, biting her lip. "I like being a little slutty with you, though."

"Yeah, but that's what makes it fun. I know you're not really like that. You're not, like, throwin' yourself at any man around."

"Who, Hershel?" she laughed.

"Yeah, I know. Not a lot of men around. But you wouldn't anyway, if things were normal. If the world was back like it used to be." He went back to soaping up her skin, reaching down to move his hands over her legs.

"You think it ever will be?" she asked. "Like it used to be?"

His hands stopped. "No. I don't."

"So our days are numbered."

"Yeah," he answered, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on top of hers. "But we don't have to talk about that."

After a long silence, Carol said quietly, "I hope I go before you."

"Carol, stop—"

"No, I mean it. I can't lose you. I don't think I would survive it."

He reached one arm all the way around her and held the opposite shoulder, just as he'd held her when she'd seen her daughter coming out of that barn on Hershel's farm. "You survived after Sophia," he said, his voice cracking a little on the little girl's name.

"I had time to adjust, though," she said. "All that time you were looking for her, I had faith that you could find her but I prepared myself for the worst too. But losing you, now that we have this, now that you're. . . with me like this. . ."

"I know what you're sayin.' I don't think we should talk about it." He went back to stroking her skin. "Maybe we'll live to be Hershel's age."

She chuckled. "You'll still have your crossbow and I'll have my machete. . ."

"But arthritis'll keep us from usin' em."

Carol laughed loudly. "I don't think Hershel has arthritis, but that's pretty funny." She sank back against him, reveling in the feeling of his hands on her body and the joy of this moment with him. "God, you make me so happy, Daryl. Do you know that?"

He gently turned her to face him, pulling her closer for a kiss. "This water is gettin' cold. Let's go to bed."

**A/N: Sorry, no cliffhanger and no smut in this chapter. But they **_**are**_** going to bed at the end of the chapter, so you can probably imagine how the next chapter will start! Something major is about to happen in the next chapter or two, so I'm hoping I'll find some time this weekend to write it all out. Thanks again for all the reviews and love – keep them coming, please!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Three things: 1) Thanks for reviews, especially to those of you who always let me know you like the story after each chapter. That's why I keep writing this! 2) I don't know why on earth I was putting an extra G on T-dog's name, but I'll stop now. I'm a stickler for spelling things right, but somewhere along the way I thought he had an extra G. Sorry! 3) There's some smut and some fluff ahead in this chapter. I hope you like it!**

Carol's skin tingled. The days were getting warmer now but nights were still cool, and she was thankful for Daryl's body next to her in bed to keep her warm every night. He was like a furnace, and their lovemaking certainly kept her from getting cold as well. After their bath, they dried off quickly and rushed to the bed to get under the covers together. They lay there for a long time, just enjoying the feeling of their naked bodies against each other. Carol knew he was very tired and she almost let him drift into sleep. But his hands on her in the bath had turned her on, and she couldn't imagine going to sleep without enjoying his body a little, so she decided to make the first move.

She started with little kisses along the side of his neck, soft and sweet, then parted her lips to lick him a little and nip at him with the edge of her teeth. When she heard a small groan escape his lips, she slid her hand down over his chest and stomach. When she reached his cock, she used just her fingertips to stroke it lightly, feeling it harden and grow under her touch. Then she wrapped her hand around it and squeezed a bit, at the same time trailing kisses down his throat and chest until her mouth reached his right nipple. She sucked his nipple into her mouth while her hand stroked up and down his cock. He lifted his hips upward, his hand on the back of her head. She released his nipple and positioned herself between his legs, pulling back on his cock to bring it to her lips. She looked up at him and held the tip of it to her lips, pausing a moment for him to realize what she was about to do. "Carol," he whispered, and she closed her lips over him, sliding them down. He moaned loudly as she used her tongue to push his cock up against the roof of her mouth and hold him there. His hand found the back of her head again, and she looked up to see him watching her. She slid her lips up and down on him, stroking him with her tongue. Knowing what this was doing to him was incredibly arousing for her. She felt herself getting wetter and wetter, and without thinking about it she slipped one hand down between her legs and slid her fingers inside. When he saw what she was doing, he moaned again. "Oh god, Carol. . .please. . .let me fuck you. . ."

She released him from her mouth, moving up until she was straddling him. She tucked him inside her and sank down on him slowly as he watched. She reached up to his mouth and let him suck her wetness off her fingers, hardly able to believe her own boldness. She'd never felt so turned on before. Seeing the desire in his eyes, seeing her effect on him, set her body on fire. She moved up and down on him, riding him, pushing down a little harder and faster each time. He watched their bodies joining together, then threw his head back as his hands grasped her hips and he thrust upward. She rode him harder, grinding against him, until he felt the pulse of her orgasm all around his cock. "Oh, fuck," he said, lifting his head again, holding her hips still and pushing into her until she felt him come inside her. "God. . . Carol," he muttered, dropping his head back onto the pillow. She kept him inside her and lay down on his chest, loving the feeling of his heart pounding against hers. After a while, she moved off him and lay beside him. He turned toward her and she turned her back to him, pulling his arm around her. With a huge smile on her face, she listened to his breathing for a while, waiting to hear him fall asleep.

"Carol?"

"Hmm?"

"Can. . .can you turn around?"

She flipped around to face him. "Hi," she said, a little shyly.

"Hi," he said, smiling a little and looking shy himself. It always astonished her that there could be any shyness left between them. "Carol, I. . ."

She put a hand on his face. "What?"

"I love you."

The feeling that shot through Carol's body was almost painful. She hadn't expected to hear him say it, even though she'd known for a while that he surely loved her. She left her hand on his face and smiled up at him. "I love you too, Daryl."

He closed his eyes then, and soon he was asleep. If she'd known this was their last night together for a while, if she'd known what was to come in the next few days, she would've stayed awake all night staring at him, memorizing him. Instead, she fell into a peaceful sleep tucked against his chest, listening to his breathing.

Daryl left before Carol woke up the next morning, heading out with Rick, T-Dog, and Glenn to scavenge for building supplies. They'd planned a quick trip, but they ended up being gone all day, and Carol started to worry, along with Maggie and Lori. To ease everyone's minds, Michonne went out to look for them in the early evening, and she returned with a report that they'd found tools and were dismantling some sheds behind a house just a few blocks away. Apparently they'd collected a ton of lumber and were busy making plans for their wall.

Another hour or two passed, and Carol began to worry that the men were hungry and thirsty but too caught up in their work to stop for a break. She packed a bag with water bottles and granola bars and headed out after asking Michonne where she could find the men. "Where are you going?" Andrea called from her perch on the roof next door.

"Taking the guys some food," Carol answered. "I'll be right back."

"You sure you'll be ok?"

"I've got a knife," Carol said. "You guys have taught me well." She walked off without another word. She didn't really want to have a conversation with Andrea about whether she could defend herself. She still felt awkward around her after that day in the liquor store. She wasn't entirely sure if all of Andrea's anger stemmed from being left behind at the farm, but she didn't want to provoke her regardless. After all her years with Ed, Carol was an expert at avoiding conflict when she needed to. On her short walk, Carol reflected on the conflicts she'd had with Daryl. The two of them had been in some heated arguments, certainly, but Carol knew now that the heat usually stemmed from passion, not anger.

She felt a thrill run through her when she thought of the previous night, of the way she'd pleased Daryl in bed and of his subsequent declaration of love. A part of her had wanted to run straight to Lori and Maggie to tell them what he'd said, but she stopped herself. Daryl was private about these things. Everyone knew they shared a bed, but she and Daryl hadn't yet shown any signs of affection in front of the others. Sometimes Carol longed to kiss and touch him freely and easily, the way Maggie did Glenn, but the secret nature of their relationship almost made it more exciting, if that was possible. All day they were apart, even if they were in the same room, but she knew that when night came he belonged to her. And, as always, she belonged to him.

T-Dog spotted her first, giving her a big smile when she saw the water bottle in her hand. "Oh, thank God," he said. "You're a lifesaver."

"What were you guys thinking staying out here all this time without food and water?" she scolded.

"My fault," Rick said with a smile, accepting a granola bar and bottle of water from Carol's bag. "I guess I got carried away when I saw all the tools. I just didn't want us to stop working while we were ahead."

"So you've found some good stuff for the wall, then?" Carol asked, glancing at Daryl, who was still standing a little distance away, staring at her.

"Yeah," T-Dog answered for Rick, as Rick's mouth was full. "Lots of tools, lots of sources for good lumber. It'll be a lot of work, but we can do it."

"That's wonderful," Carol said, reaching out to give T-Dog a little hug. She could see that he was happy to have come up with the idea, to have made such a major contribution to their safety.

"Did you walk over here by yourself?" Daryl asked, finally walking over.

"I've got my knife," she said, giving him a stern look, almost daring him to question her. "It's not far."

He nodded, and Carol knew it was killing him not to scold her for putting herself in danger, even on a short walk. She appreciated the effort, and she gave him a little smile to show him. The corners of his mouth lifted a little in response and he met her eyes for a moment. He still seemed a little shy with her, and she wondered if he was thinking of last night, of telling her that he loved her. Out of the corner of her eye, Carol saw T-Dog and Rick exchanging a look. Hell, she and Daryl might as well make out in front of everyone at this point. Clearly they all knew the two were in love.

"Ok, I'll let you guys get back to your work," she finally said, tearing her eyes away from Daryl and lowering the bag of food and water to the ground. "Don't stay too long, ok? It's getting late."

"You could stay with us," Daryl muttered. "Ride back with us when we're done. Then you won't have to walk back by yourself."

"Oh no, that's ok," she said. "I'd be in the way, and I need to get back to help Beth figure out something for all of us to eat for dinner. I don't want to be away from Lori for long anyway."

"Is she ok?" Rick asked quickly, a look of alarm on his face.

Carol laid a comforting hand on his arm. She was touched to see his concern, but she wished he would show it to Lori as well. "She's fine, Rick. But the baby could come any time, and I want to be around to help Hershel. It can all happen really quickly, you know, especially a second baby from what I've heard."

"I'm – I'm glad she has you to help," Rick mumbled, turning away to end the conversation. Carol sighed. He simply wasn't ready to forgive his wife.

"Goodbye, Daryl," she said, placing a hand on his chest for a moment. "I'll see you at home."

"Stay safe," he said, chewing his bottom lip. She longed to take his face in her hands and press her lips to his, but she knew it would make him uncomfortable in front of Rick and T-Dog, as much as he might truly want the same thing. Plenty of time for kissing later, she thought. And she couldn't wait.

She walked away then, shaking her head a little. It was always hard to walk away from Daryl. His presence had meant many things to her over the past year. At first she'd felt uncomfortable around him. Back at the camp when she first met him, he was just one half of a pair of hotheaded redneck brothers who made everyone uncomfortable, not just her. He was the gorgeous half, certainly, and the one with more sense, but he was not someone Carol thought she would ever really get to know. Then after Sophia went missing, suddenly he meant everything to her, because he represented hope. She knew no one else really believed they would find her daughter. In the moments when she was being truly honest with herself, she could admit that she didn't believe it either. But Daryl believed, and because of that he became the most important person in Carol's world. In the months after they left the farm, while Carol was slowly adjusting to a life without Sophia, she realized that he was more than her protector and savior. She loved him. It was as simple and as complicated as that. And now he loved her too, so much he was even willing to speak it out loud. Carol crossed her arms, hugging herself a little to contain the joy that welled up in her at the thought of their love.

And that was when she saw the herd.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I was so happy to get to 100 reviews for my little story that I decided to go ahead and write the next chapter tonight. Woohoo! It's a little short and it's not the most pleasant situation for our dear Carol, but I hope you enjoy reading it nonetheless…**

Carol gasped, stifling a scream. At least twenty-five walkers were heading straight for her. They were shuffling along slowly, as always, but they had definitely spotted her. They became louder, groaning and growling and drawing the attention of other walkers, who were starting to appear from behind other houses in the neighborhood. Carol was too shocked to move for a moment, watching them drag their crooked limbs toward her, opening and closing their mouths as though they were already feasting on her flesh. She pulled out her knife and turned to run back to Daryl and the others, but she saw another fifteen or so walkers heading toward her from that direction. They were everywhere.

Suddenly everything slowed down around her and Carol felt an unmistakable calm settling over her. This was her moment. This was when her strength would be tested. Would she survive this? Would the others? No. She couldn't worry about anyone but herself until she got out of this situation. She looked around quickly to locate the best direction to head in, the area with the fewest walkers to get through. She ran across the road, heading away from home and away from Daryl, because there were only a handful of walkers in that direction. She fought her way through quickly, stabbing walkers in the eye or jabbing them anywhere she could and then moving on, anything to get past them. She ran faster than she could've ever imagined was possible, her lungs burning, tears streaming down her face. Nearly every walker who managed to get close to her got her knife in the eye. Her arms ached from pulling her knife out over and over. She wondered how long she could go on, but there was no sign of the herd thinning. Where had they come from so suddenly?

She ran for what seemed like miles and miles. She had no idea how long she'd been running, or how long she could continue. She looked around and realized she had no idea where she was. She'd crossed into another neighborhood, run all the way through, and then headed down a long stretch of road to another neighborhood in another part of the town. She hoped she would be able to find her way back. But for right now, she had to concentrate on getting away from the walkers who were still pursuing her. She put every other thought out of her mind.

_Hide_. She needed to find somewhere to hide until the herd passed, then she could find her way back to Daryl. She stopped for just a second to look around for a place to hide, and a walker grabbed her arm. She lost her balance, falling onto her back in the driveway of a house that had been abandoned long ago. Carol held the walker off with her knees, pushing her off with all the strength she had left. Luckily the walker was a thin, light female and was no match for the adrenaline that still raced through Carol's veins. She thrust her knife into the walker's right eye, but when she knelt next to the corpse and pulled the handle of the knife it wouldn't come out. Somehow the blade was lodged in the walker's eye socket. Carol stood up and looked around frantically. Three more walkers were heading in her direction, picking up speed. She stumbled backward, sobbing, losing hope. In her mind all she could see was Daryl's face. She wondered if this was the end, if they would never see each other again, if he was trying to find her.

She kept stumbling backward until she finally backed into the hard surface of the garage door. It jarred up and down when she hit it, and she looked down to see that there was a space between the bottom of the door and the ground. She turned her back on the walkers just long enough to reach her hands under the sliding door and lift with all her might. The garage clearly hadn't been opened in a very long time, and the door creaked and complained when she tried to lift it. But it did lift, and Carol managed to slide under it and slam it shut. One of the walkers had reached a hand under the door just before she shut it, and three of his fingers now lay on the inside of the garage, next to where Carol had collapsed in fear and fatigue.

The walkers outside continued to growl and hurl their bodies against the garage door. Carol hoped they wouldn't figure out how to open the door. She imagined they weren't smart enough to do that, so she took a moment to evaluate her surroundings and tried to ignore the walkers. Sun from the three small windows in the garage door enabled her to see that there was one car in the garage, though there was space enough for two. She peered into it, hoping there wouldn't be a dead body or perhaps even another walker, and she was happy to see that it was empty except for a child's car seat, some clothes, and some trash. Unfortunately there were no keys and Carol had no idea how to hot-wire a car. A tool bench occupied the back right corner of the garage, and Carol was happy to see a few tools still hanging there: a hammer, a wrench, and a few other things she couldn't identify. Maybe when there were fewer walkers outside she could use those tools to fight her way out of here.

She headed straight for the door, which was at the top of a set of five wooden steps. She could see through the window that the door led into a small, bright kitchen. She rattled the doorknob, to no avail. She looked around for something to try to pick the lock, though she'd never done that before. She should've paid attention when Rick and Glenn picked the locks of houses and stores when they were on the road. She looked around the garage again. There was a refrigerator next to the tool bench. Carol hoped against hope that there would be some kind of food and maybe a bottle of water or two inside. She cursed herself for leaving all the granola bars and water with Daryl, Rick and T-Dog. Who knew how long she might be stuck in here? Inside the refrigerator, Carol found two cans of beer, a package of disgusting molded cheese, and some completely unidentifiable rotten food wrapped in foil. Ugh.

In the front left corner of the garage, there was a large rusted metal trash can. Carol looked inside to find that it was half filled with water. The water smelled coppery and dirty, but she was thrilled to see it. She was sure it probably wasn't safe to drink water out of a rusty metal can, but it was surely safer to drink it than to allow herself to become dehydrated. She looked up at the ceiling above the can and saw a large wet spot. They must've used the can to contain rainwater from a leak. She didn't know why the can wasn't completely full. It hadn't rained in a quite a while. Maybe the inhabitants of this house had only recently left. She scooped a handful of water to her mouth, nearly spitting it back out when she tasted its bitter metallic tang.

She looked at her surroundings again. Besides the car, water can, refrigerator, and tool bench, the garage was simply filled with junk. Boxes and crates filled with old toys, rags, and other odds and ends lined the walls of the garage. Carol was thrilled to find some duct tape and some old sheets and blankets. She taped the ragged sheets up over the three narrow windows in the garage door so she wouldn't have to see the faces of the walkers slobbering and drooling and hungering after her. She saved the blankets for later in case she was still stuck in here when night fell. The air in the garage was already beginning to feel cool. A sliver of light at the top of the sliding garage door showed her that air was coming in from the outside, and she was thankful not to have to worry about suffocating in her hideout. She prayed that the bottom of the door would remain flush with the ground so that a walker's fingers wouldn't slide under and pry it upward as she had done.

Well. She didn't _pray_, exactly. She hoped. Carol hadn't prayed since the day Sophia followed those walkers out of the barn, squinting in the sun and wrinkling her nose as if she'd never seen daylight. That wasn't Sophia, Carol had always maintained. But it was her body. It was the body Carol had held so many times, the face she'd kissed. The little arms that had wrapped themselves around Carol's neck. The moment Carol saw that Sophia was a walker instead of the beautiful little girl she loved above all else, she stopped praying to God about anything. It wasn't a conscious decision, exactly. She just didn't find herself compelled to talk to God anymore. She didn't ask him for anything and she didn't question him anymore. She just concentrated on surviving, and she concentrated on Daryl and the others, on making a life. Maybe it was God who had given her the strength to do that, to move on after Sophia, but so far she'd managed not to allow herself to think about that too much. If she thought too deeply about what God did and didn't do for her, she might have to conclude that what happened to Sophia was God's wrath, her punishment for praying for Ed's death.

As Carol looked around the dim garage and listened to the sounds of at least a dozen walkers scratching and banging on the door, she wondered if it was time to talk to God again. She didn't even want to pray for herself. "God, please," she whispered, sinking to her knees against the back wall of the garage. "Please let Daryl be alive."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: The beginning of this chapter will be a little confusing, but stick with it and it will all make sense, I promise! Also, please make sure you've read Chapter 20 before you read this one or it really won't make sense! (I updated 20 and 19 on the same day, so 20 might've been lost in the shuffle for some of you). I know my story is not exactly in a happy place right now, but I hope you'll stick with it. It's a zombie apocalypse, after all – it can't all be sweetness and light and smut! (Don't worry, though – there's more of that to come, even in this chapter!)**

**I've been getting some really nice comments and lovely compliments on my writing lately, so I just want to say thanks so much. It means a lot to me! I've never done fanfiction before and I'm having so much fun just writing this stuff down as it comes to me and letting the characters take me wherever they want to go. It amazes me that there are real people out there reading and enjoying the result! Much love to all of you.**

_Carol pulled her Cherokee into a tight parking space and smiled. She couldn't wait to see Sophia coming out of the school building. All day she'd worked on getting the house clean and perfect, and she'd put up purple and pink streamers in the dining room. The cake was ready and all their friends were coming over at seven o'clock. Sophia had invited three girls and one boy from school, and of course Lori and Rick would bring Carl and the baby. _

"_Will Daddy make it home in time for the party?" Sophia asked on the ride home._

"_Of course," Carol answered with a comforting pat on her daughter's knee. "He wouldn't miss it for the world. But you know your daddy. This was the first day that's been nice enough for him to go bowhunting. He promised to be back for the party, though, sweetie."_

_Carol called in the pizza order when they got home, glad she'd decided not to cook a big dinner. Making a cake had been enough, and who didn't like pizza? Daryl arrived long before the pizza and guests, disappointed in his unsuccessful hunt but thrilled to see the birthday girl._

"_Daddy!" Sophia cried when he walked in, and he held out his hands, laughing. _

"_Whoa, girl! I'm filthy, don't come near me until I've had a shower. That goes for you too." He winked at Carol._

"_Well, hurry up then," she said, giving him a little smack on the ass._

_When Sophia had settled in front of the TV to kill some time before the party, Carol followed Daryl up the stairs and into their bedroom. As soon as they entered the room, he turned around and placed his hands on the door behind her, shutting the door and trapping her in place. "You're beautiful," he whispered before pressing his lips against hers. She'd hoped he would like this dress, a sleeveless black one with a low V in the front. He slipped a hand inside the bodice and found her nipple, making her gasp. _

"_Daryl," she warned. "Sophia. . ."_

"_If thirteen years of parentin' ain't taught us how to fuck quietly, we ain't ever gonna learn," he whispered, his fingertips still teasing her nipple. "'Sides, you're the one makes all the noise." She chuckled until his mouth claimed hers again, his fingers increasing their pressure. He slipped her dress open to expose her breasts, bending his head to take one nipple into his mouth and suck gently. "I missed you all day," he said, when he released her nipple and raised his face to hers again. "I rushed home so we'd have time for this. . ." _

_He reached under her skirt and slid her panties down over her hips and she stepped out of them quickly, her breathing heavy now. She parted her legs a little as he slid a hand up her inner thigh and she moaned softly when his fingertips reached her center. "Always wet for me," he murmured as his fingers entered her and his lips and tongue went to her throat. Her hand went to the back of his head as he licked and sucked her skin, and then he whispered in her ear, "I'm gonna fuck you right here. . ."_

_He unfastened his pants and then quickly grasped her hips and lifted her up. God, he was so strong, Carol thought. She felt him sink into her as she held onto his shoulders and used every ounce of restraint she could muster to keep from crying out. Her back pressed against the door, making it rattle a bit in the frame. She hoped Sophia would stay focused on her TV show and wouldn't hear it. _

_Daryl fucked her hard as he sucked and nipped at her neck. When her orgasm came, it was as powerful and strong as ever, and he held her still as he thrust into her deeply, finding his own release. Carol was always amazed at how much passion they still shared after more than fifteen years together. _

"_You can leave those panties right there on the floor," he whispered in her ear. "I want to look across the table at you tonight and know you're hot and wet and ready for me to fuck you again."_

"_Daryl, this dress is too short for that," she said, laughing. "This is our daughter's thirteenth birthday party. I should be a little bit decent, shouldn't I?" _

_He shook his head slowly, a mischievous glint in his eye, then turned and headed for the shower. The panties stayed on the floor._

_The party was a success. Sophia was happy, the cake was delicious, and everyone had a good time. The baby was gorgeous, and Carol and Daryl loved reliving Sophia's newborn days by holding her and playing with her. Rick and Lori seemed happy. Carol was thrilled that they had moved past the issues they'd had during Lori's pregnancy. Carol could hardly remember now what that had all been about. _

_When they were all gathered in the living room watching a movie, Daryl's hand on Carol's knee making her wish time away so they could head to their bedroom, there was a sudden loud knock on the living room window. _

"_What the hell?" Daryl said, shooting up. Rick was already next to the window, carefully moving the curtain just enough to peer out._

"_Another walker," Rick said._

"_Walker?" Carol asked, looking around at the faces of everyone she loved. "What's a walker?"_

_The loud knock came again, but this time it sounded like someone hurling their body against the door. "Tell me," Carol said, bewildered at the fear and confusion on everyone's faces as they stared at her. "What's a walker?"_

The garage door rattled on its frame. Carol shook her head to clear her thoughts and peered out one of the windows. A walker was slamming his body into the garage door over and over. They were never going to give up on getting to her, apparently. She shook her head again, clearing her mind of the fantasy she'd been having. Another hallucination. A reverie as inconsequential and meaningless as the particles of dust she could see floating in the small shaft of sunlight from the top of the garage door. She'd seen the sun go down and come back up twice now in this hellhole.

Carol had drunk one of the two beers and had found an old bag of stale potato chips in the glove compartment of the car. Those were all gone now, and she was saving the beer for a truly desperate moment. She'd drunk handful after handful of the coppery water from the rusted can, desperately trying to stay hydrated. She'd peed over and over in a bucket that she kept under the steps, wiping herself with dirty rags. She'd managed to sleep off and on in the back seat of the car, with moth-eaten blankets thrown over her body. When the walkers grew quiet, she dared to peek out the windows in the hope that she could finally escape, but there were always several of them wandering around in front of the house, and who knew how many were in the area? She was weak and starving and her only weapons were the hammer and wrench and whatever other tools she could find. She knew that trying to escape now would mean certain death, but she also knew that at some point she would have no choice. She had tried picking the lock on the door to the house many times, with nails, with a safety pin she found in the glove compartment of the car, with a stick, with anything she could find. Nothing worked. She thought about breaking the glass of the little window in the door, but it was too high and too far from the doorknob for her to reach in and open the door anyway. She decided to wait it out, hoping the herd would finally move on in search of an easier meal and she would be able to find her way back to Daryl and the others. Maybe they had all managed to escape the herd and they were looking for her now. She tried to stay positive but looking at the four walls of the garage for more than two days straight had begun chipping away at her sanity.

Carol climbed back into the back seat of the car and curled up. Now that the walkers were quiet again, she could hear the sounds of the rats scurrying around in the garage. She swallowed her feelings of revulsion and focused on getting back to sleep. Sleep was her only refuge now. She hoped for more dreams, more fantasies of a different life. One she'd never even had a chance to live. In every dream, Sophia was alive and well and she and Daryl were in love. Awake, she had to face the reality that there was no more Sophia. And maybe there was no more Daryl anymore either.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Such lovely reviews! Thank you so much to everyone who's still reading my little story and especially to those of you who are taking the time to comment and let me know you enjoy it. I'm trying to stick to my plan of NOT planning, but a part of me is kind of agonizing over where I'll take things next, who will live, who will die, etc. I guess I'll just keep going and see where the characters take me. Thanks for taking this ride with me! And by the way, here's the disclaimer I should probably put on every chapter: I don't own these characters, but I'm having a lot of fun writing about them! No infringement intended…just entertainment.**

Carol saw the sun go down and come back once again, and her stomach began to ache from hunger. She tried to keep herself full of rusted rainwater, but she needed food and the coppery taste was beginning to make her gag. She still had the other beer but she was afraid it would make her throw up, even though there was nothing in her stomach. She didn't want to feel even sicker, and warm beer might not be a great idea. But she needed something, and she was desperate.

She grabbed the hammer from the tool bench and started moving around the piles of clothes and junk that lined the walls. It took all of her strength just to lift the piles. She was so weak, she didn't know how much longer she could hold on. She grabbed an old towel and held it at both ends, then waited, tears falling down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and focused on her task. She kicked at the pile in front of her until finally a rat appeared. It stopped and looked up at her for a moment. She drew in a shaky breath and then pounced with the towel, catching the rat inside and then twisting the ends to trap it. The rat squirmed and wiggled so much inside the towel that she could barely hang onto it, so she held the ends and slammed it into the wall a few times until it was still. Then she placed the rat, still wrapped in the towel, on the hood of the car. She grabbed the hammer she'd dropped on the floor and then felt the rat through the cloth to determine where its head was. She raised the hammer and brought it down with as much force as she could. Slamming the rat into the wall probably killed it, but she had to be sure. She was sobbing now, barely able to see through her tears.

She slowly unwrapped the towel, dreading the sight of the bloody dead rat. She steeled herself, wiping her tears again, and tried to convince herself that eating this rat was the same as eating the squirrels Daryl brought back from his hunts. Squirrels were rodents, after all, and she'd eaten tons of squirrel meat over the last year. But it had always been cooked over a fire, and Carol hadn't found matches or any other way to start a fire in this garage. If she had, she would've started one a long time ago for warmth. No, she would have to eat this rat raw, and she would have to hope and pray that it didn't carry a disease. _Who am I kidding? _she thought. _What difference would a disease make at this point?_

Carol had tried to keep her spirits up and maintain some hope, but it was getting harder every hour, every minute. She was so desperate that many times she'd very nearly headed out of the garage armed with that hammer and wrench and taken her chances with the walkers. For hours she had stood at the garage door, peering out a small corner of one of the windows and looking for a chance to escape. But walkers constantly shuffled in and out of the driveway, and she could see more of them across the road, ambling around the yards of the other houses. Armed with those two tools and weak from hunger, Carol couldn't hope to last more than a few minutes. Many times, she'd considered heading out anyway, because she was going to die in here if she didn't. She knew the chances of anyone finding her were very slim, even if they were still looking. A part of her wanted to simply lie down in the backseat of the car and wait to die. But another part, the part that had grown used to surviving, the part that held on to the belief that she would see Daryl again if she just didn't give up, still lived deep inside her. It was that part of her that gave her the strength to open the towel and slice the dead rat open with the sharp nail she'd found on the tool bench. She used the nail to carve out a small chunk of the rat's flesh and brought it to her lips. She'd opened the can of beer and kept it nearby to wash down the meat. She knew there was a good chance she would throw it all up and this would be for nothing, but she had to give it a shot if she didn't want to starve. She closed her eyes tight and put the flesh in her mouth. She tried to chew it just enough to get it down, keeping it on her teeth and trying to keep her tongue out of the way so she wouldn't taste it. But she couldn't help smelling and tasting the blood, metallic and hot. The rat tasted like both life and death at the same time, the hot blood that had just been coursing through its body now sliding down Carol's throat. She managed to consume several pieces of the rat's flesh and drank the entire can of beer. She was desperate to get the taste out of her mouth, but the beer only seemed to make it worse.

_What a last meal_, she thought, and then she shook her head. "No," she said aloud. "That was _not_ my last meal. I will get out of here."

She already felt a little rush of strength from the food, though she was still a bit lightheaded. She crossed over to the garage door and peeked out again. Two walkers were standing directly in front of the garage, and one of them turned to face her. She quickly covered the window again and stepped back. Why couldn't they just go away long enough for Carol to slip out of here, even if she had to find another place to hide? She went to the back seat of the car and settled into her blankets again, hoping for a dream to take her away for a little while. When she closed her eyes, she could see Daryl's face, could imagine his strong arms around her. Over and over she had relived the moment when he'd told her he loved her, the way his voice had sounded, the way he looked at her. He'd said it once. Exactly once. And now she might never hear it again. She couldn't bear the thought that he hadn't survived the herd's attack, but she knew it was unlikely she would ever see him again. Even if she escaped the garage, what were her chances on the road by herself? What if she managed to make it back to the house and they were all gone? Even worse, what if she was the only one who had survived?

Carol drifted into a dreamless sleep and woke only moments later to the sound of the garage door rattling. _Oh god, _she thought. _They're finally coming in. _She looked around frantically and realized she'd left the hammer and wrench on the floor across the garage. She quickly closed the door of the car and hunched down low into the seat. Then she heard her name, whispered softly. "Carol?"

She looked up and saw him through the back window of the car. He was holding her knife, crouched in a defensive position. "Oh my god, Daryl!" she cried, throwing her body against the car door and pushing it open with all her might. She fell out on the ground beside the car, sobbing and shaking. Daryl rushed to her side and grasped her face, looking into her eyes.

"You bit?" he asked, and she shook her head. "What's all that blood around your mouth?"

"A – a rat," she said, looking down. "I ate a rat." His eyes widened and he shook his head a little. "I'm ok," she said, nodding and smiling up at him.

He smiled back at her. "You're alive, anyway. Come on," he said, and lifted her into his arms. He started to carry her out of the open garage door.

"Wait," she said. "The walkers. Did you kill them all?"

"What walkers?" he asked, stepping out into the sunlight. She looked around and saw that the neighborhood was completely quiet and still. The walkers she'd seen only moments earlier were nowhere in sight.

"But. . .but they were just here," she said.

"I only saw these bodies here," Daryl said, jerking his chin toward the corpses of the walkers Carol had killed days earlier. "It was a bitch gettin' your knife outa her eye. But that's how I knew to look for you here, when I saw your knife."

"No. . .no walkers?" Carol muttered. Had she imagined the herd of walkers outside the garage door? Was she trapped in there by her own imagination? _No, it couldn't be true._

"Well, not right now," Daryl said, "but we better get out of here in case." They crossed a few streets, Daryl still carrying her, and Carol rested her head against his chest to listen to his heartbeat. He was alive, and she was alive, and he was taking her home.

When they reached his motorcycle, Daryl gingerly set her on her feet. "You got it?" he asked, concern on his face. She nodded, and he hopped on the bike. "You think you can hold on to me?"

She got on the bike and wrapped her arms around him. Of course she could hold on to him. Didn't he know he was all she'd held onto since the day her daughter disappeared?


	23. Chapter 23

When they were out of the neighborhood where Carol had been trapped, Daryl pulled the motorcycle over and turned it off.

"Why are we stopping?" she asked. She was so tired, she couldn't wait to get home to her bed.

"I have to tell you somethin'," he said, turning his head slightly toward her. Her arms were still wrapped around his waist and he made no move to get off the bike so she stayed put. "We found a prison."

"What? A prison? What do you mean?"

"I mean we're livin' in a prison now," he said. He still wouldn't look at her.

"A prison? Why?" She felt panic rising within her, her nerves jumping.

He turned toward her a little. "When that herd came and we all got away, we were on the road for a little while. Rick and me, we went out lookin' for food and we found this prison. Took us a day to clear the walkers out, but now that's where we're stayin.' There's a cafeteria with some food, there's some medical supplies."

Carol choked back a sob. "I – I can't—"

"It's not that bad," he said. "I just. . .I guess I wanted to warn you in case you thought we were goin' back to the house."

"Of course I thought that!" she cried. "I want to go home! _Home_!" She was wailing now, and a part of her was embarrassed, but the rest of her was so tired and so disappointed that she didn't care. _A prison_? How could that possibly be better than their houses? "Why can't we go home, Daryl?"

"The prison's safer."

"Is – is everybody ok?" she asked. She was afraid to hear the answer.

There was a long pause before he spoke again. "Not everybody. Let me just take you to them."

She wanted to demand that he tell her what had happened, but she was too exhausted to push it. She would find out soon enough, and if she could have a few more minutes of just resting her head on his back and not knowing who else she had lost, then she would take it. He started the bike again and they rode on in silence.

When they reached the prison, Carol was alarmed at how huge it was. She was also surprised by the number of walkers that surrounded the fence. _How is this safe?_ she wondered. Then she saw Maggie, Glenn, and T-Dog banging on the fence to draw the walkers' attention while Michonne opened the gate for the motorcycle to cross through. Where was everyone else?

Daryl led her into the prison and took her to the cell block where they had been sleeping. The first person she saw was Beth, holding a newborn baby. A huge smile spread across Beth's face when she saw Carol.

"The baby," Carol said. "Oh my god. Lori—"

Beth's smile faded and she shook her head. "She didn't make it."

Carol's hand clamped over her mouth and she started to sob. "No," she said. "Who – who else?"

"Come with me," Maggie said. She and the others had come in from outside.

Maggie led Carol to a cell where Hershel and Rick were talking quietly, their heads lowered. The sadness on Rick's face was unbearable to see. Carol rushed to him and threw her arms around him immediately. "Carol!" he cried, returning the hug.

She stayed in his arms for a long time, unable to pull back and see that sorrow on his face again. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"You're alive," he said, finally pulling back and giving her a little smile. "Daryl found you."

"Yes, he—" She turned to look for Daryl, but he was no longer there. "Yes. I was trapped in a garage, but. . . I'm ok. He found me." She marveled again at the miracle of it, that he had searched all those houses and had finally found her, just in time. But had she really been in danger? She still didn't understand why there were no walkers outside the garage when he showed up. She didn't want to believe it had all been in her head, that she would've died because of a hallucination, but she put it out of her mind for now and tried to enjoy seeing the faces of the people she loved. She hugged Hershel and the others, and she spent a long time holding Carl and letting him sob in her arms while she stroked his hair. She wanted to hold the baby but she insisted on getting cleaned up first, so Maggie took her hand and offered to help. She looked around for Daryl, but he was still nowhere in sight. Neither was Andrea, but she must have been on watch.

"Come on, you need to get cleaned up and get some rest," Maggie said. Carol was still weak and exhausted, so Maggie helped her get clean and gave her a change of clothes, then took her to a cell and helped her onto the bottom bunk. "You need to rest. All your stuff's in here. We did a run back to the houses and picked up clothes and stuff, and Daryl got your things. He always believed he would find you."

"Was he the only one who believed?"

"After a while, I guess," Maggie said, looking down. "We all wanted to think you were still out there. Rick, he just. . . he's kinda lost hope, Carol."

"What happened to Lori?"

Tears filled Maggie's eyes. "Oh Carol, it's so awful. Daddy was with her when the herd came. She'd been havin' those contractions, you know, those fake ones or whatever, and she was so scared. A walker got in the house and Daddy tried to fight him off, but he got to Lori and bit her arm before Daddy killed him. Then Lori started screamin' at Daddy to take the baby, take the baby, and—" Maggie put her head in her hands, and Carol reached out to take her hand. "Daddy cut the baby out of her, and then he had to—to—"

"Oh my god," Carol whispered. "And Carl? Was he. . .?"

Maggie nodded sadly. "He saw it all. Daddy had to get the baby so fast, you know. He was afraid the bite would affect the baby too. We've been keepin' an eye on her, makin' sure she don't have a fever. We're all infected anyway, right, so I guess it didn't make a difference when Lori got bit, but Daddy got Judith out fast anyway. We still don't know if Judith is really ok, but so far she seems healthy. We got some formula at that little pharmacy down the road and we need to go out and get more soon. Beth's been takin' care of her mostly." Maggie paused, squeezing Carol's hand. "But you need to rest now, really. We can talk more later."

"Maggie, wait. I didn't see Andrea when I came in. Is she—"

Maggie shook her head. "She didn't make it either. I'm so sorry."

Carol was speechless. As much as she'd struggled with Andrea lately, as much as they all had, she could never have imagined losing her. Andrea and Lori, both gone in the space of one afternoon. And the group had thought Carol was gone too. She was amazed that they'd all found the strength to enter this prison, clear out the walkers, and make a new home for themselves after all the loss they'd suffered. She released Maggie's hand and laid her head back on the thin mattress. "I'm ready to rest now," she said, her voice flat and emotionless. She was too tired to feel the overwhelming sorrow that she knew was coming. She wanted to be back home in her bed, with Daryl, with Lori in the next house waiting for Carol to check on her and Andrea rolling her eyes and whispering with Michonne. She closed her eyes and drifted into sleep, hoping to wake up in a different life.

When Carol woke up, Daryl was sitting on the floor next to her bunk, working on making arrows. "Hi," she said, a little shyly, sitting up as much as she could in the small space.

"You ok?" he asked.

"I've been better. Lori. . .and Andrea. . ."

"Yeah. I didn't know how to tell you."

"It's ok. You found me. You believed I was alive, and you saved me," she said. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Daryl scoffed a little, looking away. "I have a lot to apologize for."

"What do you mean?"

"It's my fault Lori got bit. Andrea too."

"That can't be true," she said, shaking her head. She wanted to reach for him, to hold him, but something stopped her. Something felt off between them.

"When the herd came, I didn't care about nobody else," he said in a quiet voice. "Just you. And me. We headed back to the houses and as soon as I saw you weren't there, I lit out. I didn't care what happened to anybody. Not Carl, not Rick, not. . .Lori. I saw Andrea fightin' that walker, and I didn't even help her. I coulda shot an arrow into that walker's head and she'd still be alive, Carol."

Carol didn't know what to say. She twisted the blanket with her fingertips, nervously waiting for his next words.

"I couldn't do anything until I found you," he continued. "I was useless."

"I'm sure no one blames you, Daryl," she said. "Of course you were looking for me."

"No, I know," he said. "Nobody has to blame me, though. I know what I did. I left them to fend for themselves, and all I thought about was us. This is what I said would happen if we did this."

"What do you mean?"

"I ain't been any good to anybody since you disappeared."

"Well, what was the alternative, Daryl?" She felt a flash of anger. "If you didn't look for me all that time, you wouldn't have found me. I'd be dead by now."

He started to speak, then hesitated. She worried that he was going to accuse her of being crazy, of imagining the walkers. She was afraid it was true, but she couldn't stand to hear him say it. She couldn't stand to know that he spent all that time looking for someone who wasn't even in real danger.

He finally spoke. "You know I'm glad I found you."

"Are you?"

"Carol, come on. . ."

"Then what's the problem here?"

Daryl sighed heavily. "I'm just. . .I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do anymore. Everything makes more sense when I just stay focused on survivin.'"

"That's exactly what I'm doing," she said. "Because I can't survive without you." She went to him then, crouching on the floor beside him and laying a hand on the side of his face. "Look at me."

He looked up at her with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen. His arms finally moved around her and she settled into them, letting him hold her in silence for a moment.

"You said – you said you loved me," she whispered into his neck.

Daryl sighed, his mouth against her hair. "And I ain't saying I don't."

"Then what's changed? I don't understand." She shook her head against him, closing her eyes against the tears that were threatening to spill.

"I just—" he started, then paused for a long moment. "I need some time to figure all this out."

She nodded, drawing back so he could see her face. She gave him a brave smile, then pressed her lips against his. She would give him time, whatever he needed. She had to believe they would be together the way they were before, even if she had to wait for it.

After he left, she tried to forget that when she'd kissed him, he hadn't kissed her back.

**A/N: Sorry I had to kill off Lori and Andrea. I very nearly kept Andrea alive, but I really wanted two people to die during the herd attack, and I couldn't do it to anyone else! I know there was a potential for drama with the angry Andrea I'd been writing, but I felt like it would be too soap opera-y to have Andrea make a play for Daryl, and I couldn't figure out where else I could take it. Part of me didn't want to go to the prison, either, and I can't guarantee I'll keep them there for long. We'll see what happens! I'm going out of town for a few days and I'm not sure how much chance I'll have to write, but I'll update when I can. As always, thanks for reading/reviewing!**


	24. Chapter 24

T-Dog stopped by Carol's cell one afternoon shortly after her return, knocking on the wall to alert her to his presence. "Carol?"

"Oh hey T-Dog, come on in," she said with a smile. "Do you need something?"

"Nah, not really," he said, leaning against the door frame. "I just wanted to check up on you, make sure you're ok. I haven't had a chance to talk to you much since you got back."

"Thanks, T-Dog, I'm doing great, actually. I'm just so relieved to be out of that garage."

"I'm sure that was pretty scary."

"Horrible," she said, shaking her head.

"I don't want to make you think about it or anything. That's not really why I'm here." T-Dog said. "I just. . . well. . ."

Carol cocked her head to one side. "Come on. Spit it out, T-Dog. It's just me."

"I was just wondering if you and Daryl are ok," he finally said.

"Daryl?" She looked away, busying herself with a stack of clothes, folding and refolding. "He's fine, I guess, right?"

"You know what I mean, Carol. I'm talking about the two of you. Together. Are you ok?"

Carol sat down on her bunk and looked up at T-Dog with tears in her eyes. "No," she said in a voice so quiet he barely heard her. "We're not."

He took a seat beside her. "I didn't think so."

"He blames himself for Lori and Andrea," Carol said. "He thinks if he hadn't gone off looking for me right away he could've saved them. He always thinks he has to save everybody."

T-Dog chuckled. "Yes, he does. I can't complain too much about that, though. He's saved me more than once. He didn't do anything wrong that day. Nobody did. It just happened."

"I know, but he can't see it that way," Carol said. "He keeps trying to prove he's a good man. But we've all known that for a long time."

"Guess he's tryin' to prove it to himself," T-Dog said. "Everything that went down that day was just as much my fault as his. I could've been looking Andrea's way when that walker grabbed her, and I could've run in the house to make sure Lori was ok. Everybody did the best they could that day. We always do. The best Daryl could do was to look for you, and hey, he ended up finding you, didn't he?" He smiled and took Carol's hand. "And we're all grateful to him for that." Carol leaned against T-Dog and let him hug her for a moment, grateful for his friendship.

"He'll come around," T-Dog said, releasing Carol and standing up to leave.

Carol wanted to believe it, but Daryl showed no signs of changing his mind. The two of them caught each other's eyes here and there, even gave each other little smiles, but they barely spoke to each other beyond whatever was necessary. She had decided to give him the time and space he needed, but every passing day seemed to push them further apart.

The days passed slowly in the prison. Everyone was busy making a home, adjusting to life with a newborn, and tiptoeing around Rick, who was not handling his grief well. Carol tried to keep herself busy, which wasn't difficult since she cared for Judith most of the time. Beth cared for her as well, but Carol obviously had more experience with a baby and the group relied on her to act as a substitute mother. Rick was barely able to look at Judith, and they all had an unspoken agreement to give him time to deal with Lori's death before expecting him to step up as a parent. Carol had noticed Daryl spending more time with Carl as well, and she knew he was trying to keep the boy's spirits up, which only made her love him more. Her love hadn't diminished at all in the time they'd distanced themselves from each other; in fact, it only seemed to grow. She watched him when he wasn't looking, and then cursed herself for breaking her own heart. When she did the laundry, she buried her face in his sleeveless shirts to live in his scent again for a moment. She tried to believe that he would come around, as T-Dog had said, but she was beginning to lose hope.

A few days after her talk with T-Dog, the group explored more of the prison and came across two survivors in the cafeteria. A tense confrontation eventually led to mutual respect and an agreement to coexist and share the living space, food, and supplies. The survivors were prisoners who had been trapped in the cafeteria for nearly a year, with no idea what was going on in the outside world. Carol felt sorry for them and did her best to make them feel welcome in the group, particularly since their leader Rick was less than friendly these days.

Oscar was a big, quiet guy whose strength would clearly be an asset to the group. Axel was small and friendly, with a handlebar mustache and a mischievous glint in his eye. He took an instant liking to Carol, following her around and chatting with her as often as he could. She didn't mind the company. In fact, when the chatting turned to flirting she was almost grateful. Axel kept her mind off Daryl for a little while every day. She wasn't attracted to him, but he made her feel pretty and desirable again, and she needed that. She tried to make it clear to Axel that they would only be friends, but she couldn't deny that it was nice to get some attention. If Daryl noticed her growing friendship with Axel, he did a good job of hiding it. She couldn't help hoping he would be a little jealous, but she saw no sign of it until the night of the party.

The party was Beth's idea, a few weeks after they'd settled into the prison. They weren't calling it a "party," exactly, because that seemed a bit disrespectful in light of the grief they all felt for their lost members. Rick, Carl, and Michonne were particularly suffering, of course. Michonne had been quiet before, but now that Andrea was gone she never uttered a word. Carol was worried about her but she wasn't sure how to help her. Beth came up with the idea to have a little celebration in honor of Judith, just to welcome this new life into the world, and Carol thought it was a wonderful idea. Maggie and Glenn had picked up the bottles of wine that Andrea and Michonne had left in their house, and the group planned to drink them with a decent dinner made out of food from Axel and Oscar's stores in the cafeteria. Carol had never been much of a drinker, but she looked forward to having a drink and trying to relax for a few minutes and forget everything. She thought they could all use some forgetting.

Carol flipped through the piles of clothes that had been brought back from the houses, looking for something reasonably nice to wear to their dinner. When she found the dress, she closed her eyes and sighed. She thought she'd thrown it to the back of the closet after Daryl had ripped it during their lovemaking. She'd intended to sew the tears if she could, but hadn't gotten around to it. In the garage after this dress had shown up in her dream, she'd actually felt a little sad that she wouldn't get to wear it again. Now was her chance. The thought of Daryl seeing her in the dress and remembering that time on the couch, the way his need for her had rendered him more animal than human, made her shudder with desire. Only a few weeks had passed since they'd been together, after all, so surely he still remembered how it felt when their bodies joined. He couldn't possibly have forgotten what that was like. She decided to put the dress back together the best she could and give him a little reminder.

Later that evening she slipped into the nicest underwear she could find, skipped the bra, and slipped into the dress after mending the tears in the bodice. She decided she couldn't wait until the party for Daryl to see her in it, and she set out to find him. He was up in the watchtower, and when she entered his eyes widened and he nearly dropped his crossbow. He recovered by placing it against the wall, pretending he'd intended to lower it, then he glanced up at her. "You headed to that little celebration?"

"I am," she said, leaning against the wall across from him. For a long time they were silent, her gaze steady on him. She began to wonder if she should just leave. She hadn't thought up a reason for being in the watchtower or for seeking him out.

"Thought I tore that dress up," he finally said with a smirk, his eyes on her body.

She raised an eyebrow. "You did," she said in a slightly husky voice. An image of the last time she'd worn the dress passed through her mind, nearly making her gasp. Her on his lap, straddling him, his hands tearing the dress and his mouth on her nipples. "But I can sew."

"Guess you ain't wearin' it for me anyway," he muttered, looking in her eyes now.

"No," she agreed. "I'm wearing it for myself."

"You can wear it for anybody you want. You ain't mine no more."

"Daryl." She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his face. "You know better than that."

His eyes raked over her body and he breathed in deeply through his nose. "God, Carol, you're. . ."

"What?" she asked, smiling a little.

"Sexy," he said in a quiet voice. "I miss—"

"Me too," she whispered, taking a step closer to him.

"Can we just. . .I don't know. I just – I want you—" he began.

Carol took her hand off his face and stepped back. She put one hand on her hip and gazed at him, incredulous. "Can we just what?" she asked, a hint of anger in her voice. "Just fuck? Just your body and my body, fulfilling our needs?" Daryl hung his head and sighed. "I'll never fuck you with just my body," Carol continued. "My heart is always involved. I thought yours was too."

"It is. Carol, god. . .It's just, that dress. . ."

She decided to go a bit easier on him, so she gave him a little smile. "Hey, I get it. Look, I'm sorry you're um, all worked up now. . ."

Daryl smiled, raising an eyebrow. "You're kind of a tease," he said.

Her eyes flashed with another hint of anger. "I may be a cocktease," she said, "but you're playing with my heart. That's much worse." She turned then, walking out before he could say another word.

**A/N: This chapter was a little weak, in my opinion, but it's the best I can do while I'm out of town, guys! You'll notice I didn't include Tomas or the other two prisoners that they found when they first got to the prison. I really don't want to deal too much with Rick's moral quandaries (like killing Tomas in the Sick episode) and I don't need to leave the other guy (Jimmy?) as a loose end because things aren't going to go down like they did in the Killer Within episode, since I already killed Lori off! My story is all about the Carol/Daryl thing, so even though the other characters are there I'm not dealing too much with their big moral questions. I want to keep it all about the drama, love, and sex between Carol and Daryl. I hope that's ok with you guys! I'm not saying I won't have other stuff going on, but that's my main focus here. **

**As always, thanks for the reviews and the love, especially to those of you who consistently give me encouragement. It's truly appreciated.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Once again I'm kind of rushing this chapter out and not spending as much time on it as I should, so I hope it works anyway. I have a small child, so it's pretty hard to find time to write. When I get a few moments, I just throw down the ideas that have been swirling around in my head and hope for the best! Please review/comment if you can – I love to hear from those of you who are reading my story. Thanks so much for sticking with it. I can't believe this thing has lasted for 25 chapters!**

_What was I thinking? _Carol rushed out of the watchtower, shaking her head and holding back tears. Daryl had reacted exactly as she'd wanted him to, and she could have followed through with some kind of seduction, but it had felt so empty. She had to know that he still loved her, not just that he wanted to fuck her. Still, a part of her wanted to run back and give herself to him however he wanted her, just to be in his arms for a little while.

She headed back to the others, and the first person she ran into was Axel. "Holy shit," he whispered reverently, his eyes moving up and down her body. He cleared his throat. "That's a hell of a dress, Carol."

"Thank you, Axel." She lowered her eyes, accepting the compliment gracefully but not in the mood to flirt.

"Wish we had some music," Axel said. "Won't really be a party without dancin' and I'd give just about anything to dance with you."

Carol laughed. "I guess Beth could sing for us." Even though she wasn't in the mood for Axel's attention, he always managed to make her smile. Axel smiled back at her and struggled to keep his wandering eyes on her face, but they kept drifting back to the smooth, bare skin between her breasts.

Suddenly a loud sound behind them made both Carol and Axel turn in alarm. Daryl had laid his crossbow down heavily on the floor and clapped his hands together. "Let's get this party started," he said, glaring at Axel. "Right, buddy?" He whacked Axel hard on the back in a pretense of friendliness, nearly knocking the slight man over.

"Daryl. . ." Carol began.

"What?" Daryl turned to her with something like anger in his eyes. "I'm ready to party. Aren't you two?" He stomped off to join the others, who were already eating and talking. Carol sighed and followed him, with Axel close behind.

The group tried for a lighthearted mood, talking and laughing as they ate and drank their wine, but it felt forced. They were only able to relax when Rick, Carl, and Hershel had left and Beth had taken Judith off for a feeding and to put her to bed. Then they pulled out the extra bottles of wine Maggie and Glenn had picked up on a run. They listened to Oscar and Axel's stories about prison life and got to know them much better. Axel's eyes stayed on Carol all night, and it seemed as though he was putting on a show for her and her alone. Daryl sat across the room from them on his own, the only one who wasn't laughing and chatting. He swigged directly from a bottle of wine and glowered at Axel and Carol, and finally he walked out without a word.

"Wow, he's really jealous," Maggie whispered in Carol's ear, gesturing to Daryl as he departed.

"Nah," Carol said. "What's he got to be jealous about? He didn't want to be together anymore, right?"

Maggie laid a hand on Carol's shoulder. "I think he does want to be with you. He just doesn't know it yet."

"I think you're drunk," Carol said, "because that doesn't make sense." They both laughed.

"He'll come around," Maggie said finally, with an encouraging smile.

"That's what T-Dog said," Carol said. "But I'm not holding my breath."

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After several more glasses of wine and a dozen crazy stories from Axel, everyone decided to call it a night. Axel offered to walk Carol to her cell, and she gratefully accepted, taking his arm and staggering a little.

"Whoa there, honey," he said, laughing and holding her up. She giggled and leaned on him as they walked.

At the door to her cell, Axel reluctantly released her and said, "Is this good night?"

"It is, Axel," she said, taking his hand and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You're a great friend."

"Ah," he said in a disappointed tone. "Friend."

She nodded, a little sadly. Maybe in another time she and Axel would've made a great couple. He was a sweet man and he seemed completely smitten with her. She couldn't help appreciating his attention. But there was no way he could replace Daryl in her heart or in her thoughts. Even as Axel stood there gazing at her, wishing for more than she could ever give him, all Carol could think about was Daryl. "Good night," she said finally, releasing Axel's hand and watching him walk away.

She sat on her bunk for a while, wondering where Daryl had gone off to. She imagined he was probably back in the watchtower, either stewing in jealousy or not even thinking of her at all. She hoped he was in a jealous rage. Thinking about the way he'd glared at her all night gave her a little thrill, she had to be honest. He couldn't be that jealous if he didn't at least still want her. The wine had made her so relaxed that she felt a little turned on, her body warm and loose. Maybe she could give him what he had seemed to want earlier that day: sex without the complication of emotion. It was worth a shot, and the wine was suddenly making her feel bold.

She got up and headed for the watchtower, where she found him sitting against the wall, still drinking from his bottle of wine. He looked up at her and narrowed his eyes, but he didn't say a word.

"I changed my mind," she said simply, leaning against the opposite wall.

"About what?"

She fingered the neckline of her dress up and down, and his eyes followed the path of her hands. "About fucking you."

"Carol. . ." He looked away, shaking his head.

"No, shut up and listen," she said. "This is what I want." Her words were slightly slurred, and she hoped he wouldn't notice. They'd both had plenty to drink, but she wanted him to understand that she was making a fully conscious decision. "I know what you can give me, and what you can't. I'm ok with it, at least for right now. I need you, Daryl. It's not about my heart tonight." She slipped the dress over her head and stood before him in just her panties. "It's about this. . ." She ran her hands over her breasts, over her stomach, and then slid one hand into her panties. She slipped two fingers inside herself and closed her eyes for a moment. She was taking a huge risk here. She'd already opened up to him emotionally and he'd pretty much rejected her, so now she was giving herself to him physically. If he rejected her in that way too, there was simply nothing left.

"Carol, stop," he said in a strangled voice, stepping closer to her. She pulled her hand out of her panties and looked at him, embarrassed and unable to move. He took her hand and held it up to his mouth, then closed his eyes and slowly licked her fingers, letting out a little whimper. She was so confused. He wanted her to stop, but he was doing _this_? Feeling his hot mouth on her fingers and watching him savor her taste was unbearably sexy. She knew now that she couldn't leave this room until she'd felt him inside her.

He opened his eyes and released her hand. "I don't know if I can give you what you want. . ." he began.

"All I want tonight is this," she said, reaching out to touch his erection through his clothes. She stroked her fingers up and down, looking him directly in the eye. "Just fuck me, Daryl. You can have me however you want."

He breathed in sharply, reaching for her and swiftly turning her around so that her back was against him and his erection pressed against her ass. His hands roughly squeezed her breasts and pinched her nipples, and she responded with a moan. He pulled her down to the floor until they were both on their knees, and then he stroked her back with the palm of one hand, pressing slightly to bend her over. He backed away a bit, and then she felt his fingers slip under the drenched fabric of her panties. He gave them a hard yank and the thin straps on each of her hips snapped. Daryl tossed them to the side. Next she felt his thumb passing across her slit, pushing in a little to open her. His knuckle pressed into her then, pushing up to her clit and rubbing a little, making her even wetter. Then the pressure was gone and she heard the little slurping sound of him licking her juices off his hand. "So fuckin' sweet," he muttered under his breath. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard. . ." She heard him undoing his pants and then felt the swollen head of his cock pressing against her entrance. "You ready?" he breathed, moving his cock up and down her slit, opening her more, making her wait.

"Yes." She barely managed to get the word out. She'd never felt such need before. She thought she was going to come before he'd even entered her. Finally he plunged his cock inside her in one swift movement, and they both groaned loudly. She pushed her ass back against him, grinding against him and trying to pull him in even deeper. He started thrusting then, his hands on her hips, fucking her hard and fast. "Yes. . .yes. . ." she repeated over and over as his cock drove into her. His hand moved around to stroke her body, first cupping her breasts and then sliding down between her legs so his thumb could work against her clit as he fucked her. When she came, he held his cock still inside her to feel her spasming around him, and then he slid nearly all the way out and slammed back inside her a few times until he had come as well. They collapsed onto the floor, panting, his arms around her, their bodies completely spent.

"Carol. . .god. . ."

"I know," she said, unable to look at him. What was next? When your heart is not involved, do you just get up and leave? Carol didn't know what to do. He put one hand on her chin and lifted her face to his. He pressed his lips gently against hers, and then she felt the tip of his tongue stroking her lower lip. It felt like the way he always kissed her. It felt like home.

She pulled away reluctantly, shaking her head. "No. No, you can't do that."

"Can't do what?" He looked startled.

She sat up, reaching for her dress, which lay crumpled on the floor. "You can't kiss me like you love me and nothing's changed," she said.

"I do love you," he said, sitting up too.

"But everything's changed, right?"

He looked down. "Not everything," he said. "I told you I don't know if I can give you what you want. I love you and. . . and I want you like this . . ."

"Like what? If you just want me as somebody to fuck when you've had some wine, that's not love," she said. She pulled on her dress, then picked up her torn panties and headed for the door. "Let's just call this what it is. Two bodies that needed release. When you need another fuck, let me know."

She stumbled out of the watchtower holding back tears, for the second time that day. She felt ridiculous. Of course it had ended badly. He wanted her still, that was clear, but she was beginning to believe the love was gone, at least on his end. She believed she would love him for the rest of her life, however short that probably would be. But they'd had enough time apart for him to get used to being a loner again, and now he didn't need her anymore. The only reason he'd fucked her was because he was drunk and she was available. His kiss had been tender, though, and had reminded her of those glorious weeks they'd had together in their little house. She couldn't bear to feel that sort of kiss until she knew that he really loved her. Sure, he said he loved her, but if he really did he would want to be with her like that again. Before she'd left the watchtower, she'd offered to have sex with him again when he wanted, but she knew her heart couldn't take it again. Not until he was ready to truly love her. It had been an experiment, to see if she could really be just a body for one night, and she'd managed quite well, had even had one of the most amazing orgasms of her life. But his kiss had changed everything, as kisses always do.


	26. Chapter 26

Choosing to live in a prison never stopped feeling strange. Carol had wondered in her previous life what it must be like to be incarcerated, to know that you can never be truly free. She had a cousin who was in jail for a while, for various robberies and drug offenses, but she didn't know him well enough to visit him. She'd played with him some as a kid, and he'd been obnoxious, out of control. She could've guessed he would have ended up in jail or dead by the time he was twenty-five. She had no idea what happened to him when the dead started walking. Maybe he was safe, trapped in a prison like Axel and Oscar had been.

She had always been slightly claustrophobic, but sleeping in a jail cell didn't bother Carol as much as she used to imagine it would. What bothered her most was the way the walkers constantly wandered the perimeter, groaning hungrily and gazing at them with their empty eyes. Everywhere else they'd gone, they'd killed every walker on sight. Here there was a constant reminder of what they were running from, of what kept them from being free.

Carol hadn't been on a run from the prison yet, but the others had started going out pretty frequently. Judith always needed more formula and diapers, and they were forced to go further out to look for more. Maggie thought she remembered seeing some baby stuff in one of the houses in the first neighborhood they settled in, so she planned a run with Glenn and T-Dog to see what they could find. Daryl insisted on going as well, saying he wanted to pick up some of the tools they'd planned on using to build the wall, which would mean going to the neighborhood with running water as well. Carol longed to go with them, but she feared that she wasn't ready to go on such a dangerous mission, that she might just get in the way. She also thought it might break her heart a little to see the house where she'd known such happiness with Daryl.

She kept herself busy with Judith all day, trying to keep her mind off the danger the others might be in. Beth tried to reassure her by saying just because there was a herd at one point in that neighborhood didn't mean there would be one again, but it didn't help. She knew they had never totally cleared the area and walkers could be all over the place by now. She didn't think the group could bear any losses so soon after Lori and Andrea. Rick was still staying silent most of the time, keeping to himself. He'd barely even looked at Judith so far, and he only interacted with Carl when he absolutely had to. Michonne was still mourning Andrea, but she'd started opening up a little more, and she and Carol were starting to develop something of a friendship. Michonne had started training Carol again, and each woman was grateful for the time to keep their minds and bodies busy.

The run was only supposed to take a few hours at the most, but night fell and there was still no sign of them. Carol stood close to the gate, watching the treeline and waiting to hear the roar of Daryl's motorcycle. When she finally heard it, her heart leapt and Michonne placed a hand on her shoulder with a little smile and nod. They banged on the fence to draw the attention of the walkers so Oscar could open the gate for the car and motorcycle, and it was then that Carol saw Glenn was driving the motorcycle instead of Daryl. She could see T-Dog and Maggie in the front seat of the car, but there was no sign of Daryl. "Noooo!" she screamed, running to the motorcycle and pulling at Glenn's shirt until he nearly fell off. "What happened? Where is he?"

Glenn grabbed her by the shoulders to still her, looking her in the eyes. "He's alive. He's in the back seat of the car, and he's—"

She rushed to the car and pulled the back door open while Maggie and T-Dog got out. All the others had gathered around as well, even Rick. Carol peered into the car and saw Daryl lying unconscious on the seat, with blood pouring from his head, soaking the cloth someone had wrapped around his wound.

"He wasn't bitten," Glenn said hastily. "He fell and hit his head against a stone pillar at the end of a driveway. It was just like. . .a freak accident. He was fighting off a bunch of walkers all on his own, and one of them knocked him down. We'd just gotten there."

"We were right on time, thank God," T-Dog said.

"Let's get him inside," Hershel said. "We need to stop the bleeding."

Oscar and T-Dog pulled Daryl as gently as possible out of the car and carried him into the prison, laying him on a bunk so Hershel could take a look. Fortunately they had plenty of bandages and other first aid supplies from the prison infirmary, so Carl rushed to fetch those while Hershel unwrapped the wound. Carol tried to remain calm, but seeing Daryl being carried, unconscious, bleeding. . .it was just too much. She placed a hand over her mouth and sobbed, while Maggie and Michonne held her on each side.

"He'll be ok," Hershel finally said, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "I expect he'll wake up soon, but he's lost a lot of blood and needs to rest for a while. Don't let him get up, no matter what he says." He turned to Carol. "I expect you'll want to sit with him, so you can let me know when he wakes up. Change his bandage frequently, and keep his wound clean. He's still bleeding a little, but I think he's in the clear."

Carol knelt beside him and placed a hand on his chest, gazing at him. She felt as though she'd loved him forever, that her life had truly begun when she met him. Maybe he would never love her again the way he had for a little while, but right now she didn't even care. She just wanted him to be ok, alive and safe. She turned to Maggie. "What happened? Why was he on his own? Didn't you all go together?"

Maggie exchanged a glance with Glenn. "Well, yeah, but Daryl decided he wanted to go to our house and pick up some stuff. He wanted to get those tools, you know, but he said he needed some other stuff too. Wouldn't say what."

"And he insisted on going by himself," T-Dog added.

"You shouldn't have let him," Carol said angrily.

"Carol," Glenn said gently. "This is Daryl we're talking about. He goes out hunting by himself all the time. Besides, you think anybody could stop him from doing what he wants?"

Carol smiled at him. "You're right, I know. I just—"

"You're worried about him," Maggie said. "Of course you are. But you heard Daddy, he's gonna be fine."

"He'll probably be up trying to go hunting in no time," T-Dog said with a smile for Carol. "Like Glenn said, this is Daryl we're talking about. He won't be down for long."

Carol nodded and turned back to Daryl, wiping away tears. Everyone filed out then, leaving her alone with him. She watched him closely, waiting for his eyes to open. After a while, she peeled the bandage off and took a look at his wound, a deep gash just under his hairline on the right side of his face. He must have hit the stone quite hard. She was so thankful the others showed up when they did. It was unfathomable to imagine that Daryl could've been taken out because of a fall, after he'd survived so many dangers.

When he finally woke a few hours later, Carol was changing his bandage again. She saw his eyes flutter open and she tried to stay calm so he wouldn't be alarmed. He watched her for a while, then finally spoke. "Why ain't Hershel doin' this?"

"He told me to do it," she replied. "Why? You want me to get him?"

"Nah, you're better lookin.'" He smiled a little when she giggled. "I didn't get bit, did I?"

"No, you fell. Do you remember?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"Maggie, Glenn, and T-Dog showed up just in time to fight the walkers off you," she said, "or you'd be a goner." She sighed, sitting back to give him a stern look. "What the hell were you thinking going out there alone?"

"I've done it a million times."

"I know, but. . ."

"I get it," he said. "I'm sorry."

She nodded once, then went back to changing his bandage. "You're supposed to rest a few days, you know. So much for us being fuck buddies."

She expected him to laugh, but instead he reached up and grabbed her hand. "We ain't never been that."

"I know," she said quietly. "I – I have to go tell Hershel you're awake. He'll want to take a look at you."

After she'd found Hershel and sent him to Daryl and given the news to everyone that Daryl was awake and seemed to be ok, T-Dog pulled her aside. "Carol, I need to show you something." She followed him back to his cell and watched him open a bag that she recognized as Daryl's. "Is this for you, you think?"

He pulled a book out of the bag and held it out to Carol. She glanced down at the book. It was the same anthology she'd read from on one of their first nights together after the attack at the mall. She took it and closed her eyes, exhaling. "Surely he didn't put his life in danger to bring me a book of poetry."

"I don't know," T-Dog said, shrugging. "He had some tools in here too, but I'm guessing that was what he was really after."

She waited for Hershel to leave his cell before she carried the book in to him. His eyes were closed, but she asked anyway, holding the book up. "Is this what you were after today?"

He opened his eyes and then flicked them away from her quickly. "Yeah, partly," he muttered.

There were a thousand things she could've said. _Does this mean you still love me? Do you just feel guilty? Is this some kind of peace offering? _Instead, she simply said, "Thank you. Do you want me to read something?"

"Yeah," he answered. "That pilgrim soul one."

She flipped the pages until she found it, then she read the Yeats poem she'd read to him before, in easier, happier times.

"I think I get that part now," he said when she finished. "About the sorrows of your changing face."

"Yeah?" she asked, afraid to guess what he might say next. Her heart was beating faster than she thought possible.

"I don't want to make you sad anymore," he said in a hoarse whisper. "And I don't want to be sad either."

She knelt next to him, smiling. "Then let's not be sad," she said with a little shrug, as if it really were that simple.

"Ok," he answered, as if he believed it too. "Come here."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Fuck it," he said, reaching for her. "C'mere."


End file.
